Bisexuality is gay

Today is a good day, I can feel it in me bones as my mother used to say. The last few days have been all over the place. Sleep, work, stress, cry, work, sleep and more stress. Good times, good times.
Yesterday was pants but it got better in the evening. I don't know what's up with me but everyone reckons if I get sleep, it should sort out everything. One prescription of of sleep for a week coming up. Yesterday, it was my turn to take the study session as I skipped Monday night and Chemistry. can you blame me? I also had to attend an AGM to present a website I developed for a group. They have no little or no funding and so I volunteered to do their website. Little did I realise it would mean working all day Saturday getting content in and then getting bugs fixed. Fun. The AGM went well and I was scarleh for most of it. I had hiden at the back thinking I wasn't going to be needed for anything except loading the website onto the laptop. However, I had to navigate the site whilst A talked them through it. It was interesting as it gave me some insight into all the stuff I was working on. I could have done without the isn't she fab because she donated her time thingy though. I don't do well with compliements. Blame it on being Orisih.

Yesterday was just a horrible day. I missed Mam, I missed R, I felt like poo and I had some slaps of reality and I just wasn't able for it. I wanted out. R rang and we chatted. By the time I got home, I was doing better. Maths greeted me. Or rather a catatonic teenager greeted me. I cooked dinner and we decided to tackle quandratic equations. Fun. Over dinner she told me about chatting to the LCA students about her bisexuality. A snippet of the conversation

"So, you're like, bisexual"
The kid - "Yeah"
"Ooh, so what's that like"
The Kid - "Grand"
"Have you met any burds like"
The Kid - "Yeah, a few "
"Ooh, that's mad, that's gay, oh no, i don't mean that in a gay way, I mean in a homosexual, I mean, you know what I mean"
The kid "Yeah, its grand no worries"
"Does your ma know?
The kid - "I live with my sister and her wife"
"Ya what? Your sister is gay?? AND married? Can they do that here? Janey, that's so gay, not gay in a , you know"
The Kid - "Well, they had a commiment ceremony and they see it as married and if it ever comes in they'll get married"
"Ooh, well I have nothing against lesbians. If i had a daughter and she came home and told me she was gay, I'd be like, grand, but if was me son, I'd knock his teeth out"
"Gay men are soooo gay, like, youknowwhatImean?"
The Kid - "Em yeah"

The same students are amazed she's getting Dublin Bus to her Debs and not a limo. I can't believe they're already talking about the Debs. I can't believe we have someone going to her Debs.

She was going on about Lacuna Coil, which we got her tickets to. She thinks she needs the day off to queue. The band don't come on stage until 9 and she wants the day off? I gave her a look which implied not on your life. I hope she gets the message.

Some equations are created to mess with your mind. I swear it, even the examples weren't helping. The book was bring thrown down more often then picked up. However, we got through it and by the time Mammy2 had arrived home from the gym, we were nearly through Chapter 9. At this stage, the kid was starting to get tired. We'd been doing maths for 3 hours. We also chatted about how much she hates Chemistry. I can't believe that 2 years ago she spent ages asking us could she take it up and now she wants to drop it. I talked her into keeping it up as a subject and just getting the pass on it.

She had her doctor's appointment yesterday and the doctor said that most of her illnesses, the black death, the bubonic plague etc, were as a result of stress. Which we'd been telling her, but its different if you wear a white coat and have a Dr before your name apparently. Damn teenager.
The boyfriend has recovered from his bout of pnemonia. He travelled all the way up on Saturday to see her, whilst dying of a cold. He got soaked whilst up here and had to get the bus back down. When he got home, he was so sick they called an ambulance and he was taken into hospital overnight. Young love eh? He should have stayed in his bed.

She handed up her art poster which she worked her ass off for. I would have given anything to be a fly on the wall for this. The art teacher said, and cue the music O Fortuna, she could have done a better job. I have checked for a plot of land about the art teachers size. I was wondering why yesterday, it got very dark and there was the odd rumble of thunder and crackle of lightning. I could here O Fortuna and then someone laughing like a maniac. Perhaps this was the stage the art teacher
said those words. Who knows. Although, and it was a cunning move on her behalf, she gave them back their art history essays and she got a B. That sortof made up for the poster comment. Only sortof though.

She has the maths test today and I'd say she'll do okay. She's convinced that she's in love with her religion teacher. I'm convinced she's been watching too much american tv.

Happy Birthday Mama Titch - We miss you...

Memorial

How was it that you were stolen from me?
So soon you left me that I had no time
To say goodbye. I needed you most but you left me,
All I have left is your photograph and
Broken memories with your warm smile,
Your tender face so filled with beauty
And motherly love.
How is it that you were taken?
Was earth too hard for you to bear?
Did heaven want its most valuable angel back?
Or was this just a cruel trick played by the Deities?
Maybe you were too fine for this cold world,
Your essence too divine, or maybe it was just your time?
You were all I ever had but now you're gone away.
Perhaps I will see you again, perhaps it will stop hurting?
Perhaps I will not cry anymore, the tears, they hurt like
Blades on my skin
I have lost you, I will not heal
I have lost you, its not fair
I have lost you forever. Why did you go? Why did you leave me?
All that I have of you are memories, broken but loved,
Cherished and held close.
Now that you are gone, I am alone.
Farewell, goodbye, rest in peace, I love you.

The Kid - 03 April 2004

R.I.P Mama Titch

MSN convos with the kid

Today is a strange day. Its following the trend of yesterday with being slightly maniac. Somethings I think I have to many balls in the air, if you'll pardon my french. I was on MSN to the kid yesterday trying to ask her how she got on at the Colleges thing in the RDS.She said she got a load of leaftlets, nearly got involved in a scrap and she's found cheaper New Rocks. Very informative. New Rocks are those boots that begin at your knees and go all the way down and weigh a feckin ton. Expensive feckers. No more information was forthcoming. I asked her how she managed for food, she had left her lunch on the couch that morning. Par example, here was the MSN convo.

[16:22] Shelly: howya!
[16:23] Shelly: how was the RDS?
[16:23] The Kid: twas grand but I nearly got in a scrap haha! I got loadsa leaflets and stuff!
[16:23] Shelly: how did you nearly get in a scrap?
[16:24] The Kid: j got caught out bitchin about people again and she had said somethin really hurtful about a gal I'm friends with so I nearly had to drag aloada bitches out of a fight lmao
[16:24] Shelly: jeebus
[16:25] Shelly: you kids
[16:25] Shelly: crazzzzzzzzzee
[16:25] Shelly: you forgot your lunch
[16:25] Shelly: as well
[16:25] The Kid: oh and k said she'd sell me her new rocks for 50 which is well better, nah I brought the rest o me lunch
[16:25] Shelly: but R said you left the sandwiches?
[16:26] The Kid: yep I did, I ate the other schtuff
[16:26] Shelly: as in munchies
[16:26] Shelly: is it any wonder your tummy gets sick!
[16:26] Shelly: fecker
[16:26] Shelly: what was the point of me making lunch then?
[16:26] The Kid: for the craic like ;D nah I'm eatin them now
[16:27] Shelly: not at the computer???
[16:27] Shelly: :P
[16:27] The Kid: SHUT UP!!! NEEEH!

The question is how was she eating the sandwiches and typing? What is she suddenly Inspector Gadget? Was she sitting at the table and managed to stretch all the way over. The arguments we have over that PC. Such fun. The sooner I get a laptop the better.

I got home to a huge pile of dishes in the kitchen, the curtains pulled in the living room and a teenager hunched over the computer. As part of her punishment, she has to wash up all this week. I asked her why it wasn't done. She stopped typing for 5 minutes to glare at me "I HAVE homework and stuff to do you know, god" and went back to MSN. Obviously research into how social networking affects housework. The biatch. I went into the kitchen and banged everything around for a while and then calmed down. Banging dishes around is quite theraputic you know.

I tried again to ask her how her day went. Not much of a response. I mentioned that I needed to get on the PC to do a small bit of work before I went out. She had a hissy fit, because she NEEDS the pc to do her homework. I refrained from asking when MSN became homework. I cooked an omelette for dinner and rang the sister. Whilst chatting to her, one of my website people rang. I had to tell her that I would call her back. The kid likes to practically sit on my shoulder when I'm on the phone to the sister. She's so subtle with her eavesdropping. I had a grand ould chat with K. We had a good rant about the brother who still hasn't contributed to the kid's college fund. He's such a fecker.
She's got her dutch exams tomorrow and Saturday. I'd say she'd fly through them. The web person rang back just as I was leaving so it was jacket off and back on the PC. I finally managed to get
out the door after 7.30 which is the time I was supposed to be meeting M. She used to work with me but gave it up and is studying drama and teaching part-time as well. She always has loads of things on so I was amazed she managed to squeeze in meeting me.
For some reason, seeing 2 women on their own chatting , according to 2 guys, means they want to be chatted up. We must have had that written all over us. Two scottish men. They chanced their arm, we were polite with our PFO. They got the message and left.

Lots more sleep but I still felt out of sorts this morning. I skipped the morning shift, Mammy2 took care of it. I fell back to asleep and had a weird dream about Mam. She was in the hospital in her hospital gown but she was smiling and talking. Except I couldn't hear what she was saying. It was a bit freaky.

She's always on my mind, just sometimes more then others I guess. Its her birthday tomorrow. She would have been 51. We were planning such a big bash for her 50th. Instead we left some lovely flowers on her grave. The kid is always going on about how Mam never liked us spending money on flowers. Mostly because the kid's pocket money for this week goes on a bouquet of flowers.She's a chancer.

Apparently, I'm coming out with more of Mam's phrases these days. Most people hate turning into their mother. As I have often said, if I am even half the woman she was, I'll be happy. She was amazing. We have a lot of her perfume still, the kid used to wear it all the time until last year when someone bought her fancy perfume. She still wears it the odd time. I decided to wear some today. The smell brings you right back. To when she'd be going out. She'd give you a hug and you'd smell like Tweed, smell like her. Its not being made any more by Yardley, we had to search the internet to get the kid some for christmas. We bought 3 bottles of it, just in case we can't find it again.

I miss her.

Sleep is the best thing ever

For the moment, that's how I feel about sleep. Yesterday was an early morning and on top of that, using my brain as well as having to be in work for 6. Madness. A site had to go live before business hours, so we got it live, worked some quirks out of the system and did lots of testing. I was wrecked by the end of it. But in a good way. Its the first time in a long while I've been up to my neck in real code, code that I've written by myself. Naturally I was buzzed about it. Mammy2 is very patient when I go on one of the techy speil talks about Java and classpaths and how cool the session object is. And so on. Monday night was spent hanging with the kid. Mammy2 had headed to the gym,
she was finally joining after a trial period of a week. She's really into it which is great. I think she's a bit scared with the amount of heart disease on both sides of the family and while she eats really healthy, she also would need a small amount of excercise.

She headed off, I arrived home. The kid was playing nice. She had come home sick. Again. I swear, thank the lord none of those scary diseases from yesteryear are around, she'd be crawling with infections. We had a chat about how her 'illnesses' never seem to surface at the weekend and in future if she was going to pick up the Black Death or the ebola virus, she would have to stay at
home at the weekend until she was better. She stoppped typing and turned slowly in the chair.

I reached for the holy water.

"Are you blackmailing me?"

I blessed myself.

"I don't like the term blackmail, more motivating you to stay in school" She paused. Obviously recanting some spell or other. I know her and her wiccan stuff. I checked my legs and my arms. Still there. Excellent. I wasn't losing any body parts just yet. The storm passed. I cooked some dinner for myself and asked her how her day went, or the 2 hours that she was in school for. She told me about some girl she 'met' at the weekend. For meet read kiss. Obviously school was never non-news worthty. As it turns out the girl is 14. I nearly choked on my dinner. Once I recovered, I of course had to slag.

I asked would she be attending Youth Discos with her. Were they going to swap Pokeman cards? When was she getting her confirmation? Oh the fun I had. I'm surprised my hair didn't catch fire. To back up her claims that the girl looked way older, she loaded up her MySpace profile. Does every teenager in the world have a MySpace profile? I mean seriously. She lives on that thing. She loaded up the picture. I looked at it.
"You're right, she looks at least 15"
I got a wallop.

We watched Will and Grace, rather I watched Will and Grace and she was asking questions about the liver. She asked where it was located. I told her mine was in some random pub and would most likely be getting a cab home later. I crawled into bed for 9ish considering the early morning I was
planning.

5.15 am, standing on the quays on a blustery and dark morning when most sane people are in bed. The wind was really bad, luckily I had decided to wear my docs and so I was grounded else I would have blown off into the morning darkness. When I got home from work, I entertained notions
of going to bed. Much like I entertained notions of buying 8 pillows. Hey, I was a little sleep obessed yesterday okay? She had a half day, barrelled in the door at 3, a record 14 seconds to get out of her uniform and into her other clothes. She got a B on her english essay on that fishy poet, Elizabeth
Bishop. She was well chuffed. She wrote nearly 23 pages on her. She deserved the grade for the amount of pages she wrote at any rate.

She's at an open day today in the RDS for colleges. I hope she gets lots of info and maybe she'll be a bit clearer about what she wants to do. Science and Art, I'm sure there is a course that covers both. We'll hear all tonight no doubt. Mammy2 has her therapy tonight and the kid has hers tomorrow.
I'm feeling left out. The kid keeps dropping subtle hints like

"When are you going to get therapy?"
I made her a deal when Mam passed away that if she got it, I would look into it. So far I've managed to fob her off. I don't think I need it. Sitting talking to someone about my 'problems' and my 'issues'. Its not me. It works for other people though, so I wouldn't slag it off.

Family Meetings

It would put the fear of god into you, having to chair one of these things. Espeically where Mammy2
and the kid's personalities are involved. They are sometimes so alike its scary. Although I wouldn't
dare say it to them. Friday was pants, I forgot my wallet and had to survive on a packet of crisps
and a snack bar all day. I wasn't going to ask my work collegagues for a lend of money, and yes
I am an idiot. I spent the day trying not to think of food. Mammy2 met me after work and we had
Luigi's finest. Pizza. Unhealthy but at that stage, I was pondering cannibalism so it was a step up
the ladder. We discussed our tactics for the meeting. I would don the blue helmut and say my bit.
In theory it seemed quire reasonable. That is until we put it into practice.

I said my bit as we rehearsed. The kid said her bit. Mammy2 refrained from rolling her eyes, an achievement in itself. The kid didn't think she had done anything wrong by going to Kill and hanging with L. We explained that it was wrong. It hovered somewhere above her head not quite reaching her brain. We empahisesed how we were worried and we couldn't contact her as her phone had died. There was a lot of going around in circles with her explaining that she ALWAYS goes to Kill to see L and why should she be punished if she didn't do anything wrong.

Eventually, we compromised. She's banned from going to Kill indefinetly. Until she regains our trust. Washing up for a week. I think she got off lightly but everyone was happy and there were no raised voices or tears. A good sign I feel.

Saturday was a fabulous sunny day compared to the gloom of today. I played on the PC for most of the morning until I got thrown off it by the clan because my shoulder is acting up these days. They're so understanding and supportive. It was nothing to do with them wanting to get on it.

We decided to head up town and do some shopping. I still had vouchers from my bithday that I hadn't spent. I got some new clothes. Love shopping for clothes. Mammy2 avoided buying any clothes, she muttered something about not being in the mindset. The truth is she hates buying clothes, or spending money on them when she would be buying books. If she had her way, she'd be
going around naked with a load of books under her arm. We dropped into Temple bar food market, yummy smells. I got a potato cake and Mammy2 got some sushi. Horrible looking stuff but she appeared to enjoy it. Sauntered around the shops, made some purchases and grabbed lunch before heading home.

There was a gig on that night that we had to go to. The kid is so funny when we say we are going to a gig. There's a raised eyebrow and a smirky look.
"A gig? You know people in a band who are playing a gig " said a tone of disbelief. I make my taking to the bridge hand gestures and she shuts up. She wanted to know if the mate L could stay over on Saturday night seeing as she wasn't allowed down to Kill to hang. We said he could and that we'd let her know when we were back from the gig. Cue more sniggering. As it turns out, the gig was cancelled. The band got food poisoning and couldn't play.

Yesterday, I embaressed her apparently. A number of times. Once when she went to the toilet and she opened the door a bit to shout out to me asking me to make her tea. I thought there was something stuck to her lip and I said it to her. She wailed and slammed the door , yelling something about a colesore. Kids are so dramatic. How was I to know it was a colesore? It looked like something was stuck to her lip.

The second time I embaressed her was when I asked the mate L if he would be requiring feeding? A straight forward question I think? He answered yes. She glared at me. I often forget that normal people have appetities. I wonder how many have left our apartment famished. I eat once in a blue moon and have the appetite of a small hamster (TM the mate R). So it never crosses my mind that
any of guests might be eyeing us up as titch kebabs.

At dinner, she had to crack the usual lesbian jokes. I'm pretty sure the mate L was aware that we were lesbians, but it didn't stop her. We headed to watch Mayo get hammered by Kerry, an abysmal match. We went to commiserate with Mayo then and had a few pints. If only it had stopped there. Switching from beer to wine seems like a good idea at the time. Much like the old "One for the road" The road must be hammered at this stage. How many does one need for the road. And how come its only One? When its actually 4 or 5 or..

I am quite unwell, I don't know how I made it into work this morning. Mammy2 and her half days, the fecker is only up. Damn her. Our partner in crime, J is equally sick which makes me feel slightly better. Only slightly. She had the audacity to laugh at my condition over txt. How does one laugh over txt I wonder?

I rang the mate R from a dodgy call shop. Is there such a thing as a non dodgy one? I mean, these places smell funny and have people looking at porn. Does the guy think I can't see him? W In the booth next to me were about 15 people. I didn't even think you could fit 5 people into the booth but somehow they managed. It was good to chat with R, catch up on some of the goings on in her life. She's only gone a week and it feels like an age. She seemed in better form then the last time I spoke to her. She's got a lot of stuff going on at the mo and I feel useless as all I can do is listen and say cliched phrases. I could make tea but getting it through the postal system might be a headache.

Twix for Breakfast

I knew it was too good to last. Not the twix now, I'll get to that. The kid being a regular teenager. Perhaps she is being a regular teenager and we don't know how to deal with it. Yesteday was a mad day in work, I was really busy and had to learn stuff as well. That coupled with having a minor pouting session because I'm Billy No mates at the moment in work. The girl I usually hang out with is out sick for the week. So lunch all by myself. On the plus side, there's always Taaaayto. After work I met Mammy2 for a pint. She wasn't able for her therapy session, she has it this morning instead. We watched some of the match, or rather Mammy2 watched some of the match, Arsenal were playing some team. I'm a huge fan of soccer as you can tell :)

I got to bed early enough but was still wrecked. The kid had told me she was hanging with some fella called Dano or Dobbin or something. Begins with a D and doesn't sound like his real name. She then preceeded to tell Mammy2 that she was hanging with L, the best mate she suddenly fancies although
she fancied him all the time, she just didn'te tell us, god, like does she have to tell us everything. Last night, at around 11.15 , Mammy2 gets a txt, note I didn't, about how she missed the last bus and she's really sorry etc. I was nearly knocked over with the steam coming out of Mammy2's ears. She was fuming. Granted she had every right, but if she stayed that mad there would be no sleep. The kid said she'd stay over at L's. Convienently, one would think she had nearly planned all of this. Would she be so devilish? Yes, I guess she would.

This morning I was just out of the shower when I heard her come in. I get dressed and head into her room asking her why she wasn't getting into her uniform. She was draped across the bed in dramatic fashion, as only a teenager can. One arm thrown across her face. She replied saying she was wrecked, she was up most of the night 'doing her essay'. I think she must think I came down in the last shower. I told her we would talk tonight. I injected enough into my tone to let her know I wasn't happy. Although the poor thing thinks Mammy2 is the soft touch. God help her.

Also, she NEEDS a hair straightener. You know I will never understand women and hair straighteners. Chances are because I have short hair. Anyways, things have gotten to such a bad state that I was thinking of appealing to a charity to help us out. She has to, now wait for this, look away if you you're squeamish about non-straight hair, tie her hair up at night and then its a bit straight. I told you it was going to be tough. Imagine in this day and age of hair straighters in every house she has to tie hers up. If word of this gets out, people might assume we're poor. She'll probably end up re-wiring the thing and knocking the electricty out in the entire apartment block. She's a talented young one like that.

Today promises to be another busy day, you can tell that by the fact that I am writing a blog entry and its already 9.40. I'm taking a break. The bloody air conditioning was set to "Only polar bears and other things that like ice will survive" I switched it off, my hands are still blue but its a nice relaxing blue. Might keep the stress levels down a wee bit :P

Elizabeth Bishop and Coulmbians who speak Spanish

That's the name of that poet that she used to hate and now loves. Elizabeth Bishop, she apparently was a lesbian and wrote poems about fish. There's a joke in there somewhere I just know it. I had a look at some of her poems. Yes, we'll leave it there shall we?

Yesterday I was too lazy to cook dinner, I rang Mammy2 to see what she wanted to do. She was still suffering from the few drinks she had on Monday night so I picked up takeout. Got home to the kid fast asleep on the bed and Mammy2 sitting with a knife and fork in her hand waiting for dinner. The kid surfaced about an hour later.

She nattered about her day. Her fav teacher is out for the last few days, I think she's worried she might not be returning. The irish teacher ripped into them all for doing so badly on their irish test. They had the test on Monday and none of them passed it. Apparently she was so upset , she had to go to bed rather then correct the test! Afterwards the kid went up and explained that it was her first test since getting back and she had loads of other homework so she didn't get a chance to study. The teacher must like her as she was happy enough with the kid's explanation of why she did badly.

There was the usual rant about how much homework she has, whilst logging on to MSN. She was logging on to the PC to ' work on her essay '. This obviously involved chatting to people online. She was in shock because I didn't want to use it. I was taking a break. She didn't hold back her surprise. At different stages when I looked at the screen, her essay looked a lot like MySpace. She is very excited about some band called The Haunted coming in January. They are her favourite band EVER. Them and about 5 other bands I think. I thought she loved Launca Coil. Mammy2 assumed she as a huge fan of Slayer. Teenagers, fickle. She's dealing with the breakup quite well. People were asking her how she could dump someone over MSN. I mean, come on, its not like they were going out for years. She was with him a couple of times and hasn't seen him since? I'm sure he's not down at Heartbreak Hotel drowning his sorrows.

She's so funny on the PC. She assumes that everyone is who they say they are on MSN. So, one guy she was chatting to said he was from Columbia. Another dude she knew was in Galway and trying to outdo the Columbian said he spoke fluent Spanish. Threw a couple of phrases out and the kid was all "Oh my god, D, can like speak fluent spanish." Eventually he owned up to using the Google Language tool just to show off as the other guy was talking Spanish to the kid. Men. I tried telling her that
these 2 people could be chickens with really good computer skills? She was having none of it.

I got a phone call all the way from South Africa yesterday! The mate R, ringing to fill me on how she's being pampered and has no work to do. Obviously she was oozing sympathy for me, who was still in work after 5. It was great to hear from her, its weird adjusting to the fact that she's not working away somewhere in Dublin or giving out about something via a glass of gin! She sounded in good form, she's catching up with her sister today who she hasn't seen since June. I'm sure there'll be tears and hugs.

Dumping over txt and Quasimodo

Yesterday, we met the mate J for a quick drink and a chat which turned into a few more then one. She's been a bit out of sorts for the last while and she is one of those people who listens to everyone else's problem, who care about everyone else but never shares her own. She's an extremely private person but there are times when you can and should be able to open up to your friends. She's doing a bit better, a small bit! I know her 8 years and sometimes I feel like I don't know her that well at all. She's a good mate though and worth the effort. She's currently working 2 jobs, which would get to anyone, but one of the jobs is a cause she really believes in, it really should be a full time job and so she's just wrecked before she even starts on her second job.

I headed home early enough though, I was wrecked and had said to the kid I'd cook her dinner. Got home to find her hidden behind a pile of books whilst on the PC. Whether she was doing anything with them or not was another question but it looked impressive! I cooked pasta whilst she chatted about her day. She got a B3 in her irish essay and was well chuffed with herself. Once dinner was over I had a small bit of work to do. Tiredness kicked in though and my eye which has been acting up started to twitch as it often does.

Well, she couldn't stop laughing at my misfortune. She had tears coming out of her eyes. She kept calling me Quasimodo and making some declaration about the bells. Supportive family. Anyway, I am taking a break tonight. No computer! A night on the couch and perhaps a DVD, I'll see how I feel. I still feel wrecked, is this what getting old is all about because I'm not happy about it. She asked me did I think it was mean to txt Ste and dump him. I asked who Ste was. A joke obviously, its just that she had been spending so much time with L, the best mate who declared his undying love for her. She wasn't interested in him 2 weeks ago, and then a week ago she told Mammy2 she was always interested in him. Are all teenage girls this fickle? Anyway, I said not at all, he should consider himself lucky to get a txt seeing as he was never around. She went back to working on her Irish.

I fell into bed around 10.30. At 1.30, the light was still on in the living room. I head out to find her 'studying', watching the telly and txting at the same time. I checked to see if she had one foot on the keyboard of the PC as well. It wouldn't have surprised me. She siad she dumped Ste over MSN. I told her it was very thoughtful of her, that I would have done it over txt. Then again I'm not her.

Poetry, honestly!

Okay so I'm a laserbeam and I hate poetry. Usually. I mean, I don't get it. Perhaps I should read more of it, or write more of it ;) How stereotypical could I get. Sitting there, sipping herbal tea, with my birkenstocks on writing really bad poetry. But I stumbled upon this poem for I like it...Although its very depressing. Perhaps I should stop listening to those tragic country stations on iTunes. I discovered streaming country but all of the songs are so bad. I never knew country could be so bad. She's leaving me now, sang in your best country twang. The dog don't love me no more...And so on and so forth. I digress

Don't go far off...by Pablo Neruda

Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,

because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

I like it, stop rolling your eyes. Its the last time I share anything meaningful with you. Perhaps the poetry thing came up because the kid is re-discovering the joy of some poet whos's name won't come to be at the mo. She's gone from hating the woman to starting to like her poetry, its an interesting transition. Interesting bccause any time you asked her how English was, all you got was this woman's name followed by a string of niceties.

Things appear to have settled down in school, I offered to help with Maths. I got a raised eyebrow and a "I'm grand at Maths " response.

I thought I was doing good by offering to help, tisk.

Weekend was meh, I am exhausted and I think I'll just work and sleep this week. Feeling a bit out of sorts. Perhaps I should go back to listening to the eurovision stuff, it always makes me smile.

* crawls under desk *

This was going to be a major rant but I've decided to rise above it. For a number of reasons.

1- I'm not into moaning about my life. Life is too short and I don't think I have anything to gain by posting up here about how shite life is. If life is shite, do something to change it. See? Perfect sense.

2. As cliched as it sounds, I'm a lucky person. I am currently working on a website for the National Domestic Violence Intervention Ageny. One of the requirements they asked is that I ensure that no-one knows the user has been browsing their site. How sad is that? That you have to hide the fact that you're looking up help. That in your own home, you're not safe.

3. Nina Simone's song I've got Life makes me smile

4. Shakira is a lovely lady :)

So, instead of a bitch, I'm just going to be happy :)

The kid is in bed. 3 days into the new school year. I have a feeling Mammy2 won't be leaving the bed either. I must arm myself with chocolate before returning home tonight. The kid has 'the flu'. Its an all encompassing description of what she's suffering from. She spent most of last night with half a loo roll stuck up her nose. Whilst sniffling and clutching her chest, she was doing her French homework. Impressed? I was. For all of 10 minutes. She raided the medicine cabinet and came out of the kitchen smelling like a jar of Vicks. Mammy2 is convinced she picked up the cold because she insists on walking around naked. Not literally. The small items of clothes she wears.

Mammy2 got through nearly a full day in work yesterday. I am so proud of her, I can't even imagine what its like for her. She's still very ill and she's going to try and go in today. But the boss is back today so it might be too much for her. She's also got a letter from the doctor who recommends that she only work part-time because of her illness. At least she has that, if she needs to bring it out.

Work is maniac as is my extra work. When is it not, I have been saying that I'm going to give up
the extra work for so long. But sometimes I like throwing myself into it. Its good escapism. Perhaps
I should take up training again. Work out some of my 'issues' on a punch bag.

People have been asking me how I feel about the mate R returning to South Africa.

How do I feel? Hmmm...
Its a hard one to call. The word miss seems too small to cover how I'm going to feel. I don't know how much I'm going to miss her until she's gone I feel. Its strange how this time last year I never even knew her and now I can't imagine her not being at the end of a phone call, a txt message,
an email or just meeting her for bravas. She's been such a big part of my life for the last 8 months and I've gotten so used to having her around , that the reality of her leaving just hasn't sunk in. She's become such a good friend in such a short space of time. She's been such a breath of fresh air, such a random person that its impossible not to laugh or smile when you think of her. I am sure the friendship will survive the distance. Else I'll have to fly to bloody South Africa and we all know how I love flying. The things you do for friends , eh?!

School and therapy

Lack of updates implies that the kid is doing fine. And you know what ? She is. Sort of :) She's back at school. And so far so good, she hates it. Nothing new there, I'd be worried about her if she loved
it. Although last week was tough. The first day back she wanted to change schools. She hated it, she had no friends and the bitch ex best mate was talking about her with the other girls. Teenage girls are the devil incarnate. Seriously, bitches they can be. I wish she'd just get along for the sake of it, but she was burned by the best mate and she can't pretend to get on . She's so much like Mam in that respect. Her first proper day back was on the Thursday and I arrived in from work to find her on the PC with a face on her. Mammy2 was in bed obviously avoiding the after school chat. The kid was also PMTing as was Mammy2, fun times. I chatted to the kid, managed to make her laugh. Headed in to check on Mammy2 who wasn't able for her, which is fair enough. It takes a strong person to deal with the kid when she returns from school.

I had the conversation about why Mammy2 is allowed stay at home from work and the kid isn't. They both suffer from depression and I wasn't taking the kid's seriously, I tried to explain that they both suffer from different kinds and mammy2 was doing the best she could. They both have to try and get up in the morning and face either work or school. She threw a couple of more tough ones at me but I managed to answer all the questions okay I think. She was still going on about changing schools. Although we go through this every year. I said, yes we would look into it, but it is the leaving cert year and it would not be easy to get into a different school. Aside from the fact that it would extremely disruptive.

She has therapy this week, so hopefully she'll rant to her about everything.

I cooked dinner for myself, the other two weren't eating. It was the mate R's leaving do from work that night, so I headed out for a few sociable drinks. Little did I realise it would end up with me sleeping in the reception of her work place whilst R sorted out her boxes for shipping her stuff back to South Africa. Her workmates are fun, well some of them are. Some people don't get my sense of humour I guess. One of the girls, she was Australian was just hilarious. I had a pain my side from laughing. It was fun that night, the following morning was a different story. Had to ring the mate, to get her up for the Paddywagon tour she was going on. That was fun. She had gotten to bed at 6 and I was calling her at 7. She was in no mood for any sort of tour , however as I type she is winging her way to Killarney and from the sounds of it is having a good laugh.

The weekend was relaxing, had a work do on the Friday night which I had no energy for and then a party at a mates. It was good fun and I lasted until 1. God only knows how. Perhaps all the mingling and chatting and getting into 'controversial' pictures with mates helped. Whisks do not make for controversary. Saturday morning lie ins are the best. Well, they are when you're tired. I had a good bit of work to do so I surfaced around 11. That was a lie in for me. We were dining with the in-laws that night, it was nice. Although I don't know how I lasted. I impress myself at times. Yesterday, the GAA and dinner and sister's night. Yes, how good am I. More work of course. I look forward to a day
when I don't have 'other work' to do. Mammy2 got an appointment for a therapist. She's going on Wedensday. She also got a trial membership for the gym. I am well impressed with the way she's been handling things as I can't even imagine what its like for her at the mo. She's been through
the mill. She managed to get to work today and I don't know how much effort it requires but she's managed to face it. How long she lasts I suppose is another thing.

The sister in Holland is in Italy at the moment, the lucky fecker. Herself and the boyf headed down to Rome yesterday for 2 days, and then off to Tuscany for 10 days. I'd say they'll have a ball. So its September, dare I mention the C word? Christmas!! Well, its a while away yet, but still..Yay, the kid is already talking about it! I don't know where she gets it from.