Still alive and kicking!

Its been a while. Yes, we're still alive. Only just. Mammy2 is fighting a bad attack of the bould depression and the child is battling with a throat infection. They never get ill seperately. Perhaps its to test my will power and stamina. I've been doing well, I'm just tired now. The awards ceremony was great, Mammy2 got emotional, I think mainly because nearly a year ago to the day was when she had her A&E incident and now look at her. She got the award for art we think, there's nothing written on it to indicate what its for. Just her name and something about her contribution to the school. What a difference a year makes. Of course I was all set with the digital camera to take pics when some big oaf stood in front of me? I was raging. I think there are offical pics so we should be grand. In all fairness , what did he think I was standing there with a camera for? The muppet.

Only a few days to go to christmas day and this year is so much more relaxed then last year. Its all to do with her outlook on life. She's excited about christmas and hence by default so are we. Well, I lie, I love it! Poor Mammy2 living with us christmas bunnies. Ah sure it will keep her grounded. With all this media attention, it might go to her head. So far, she's been doing radio interviews, Sky News again, The mirror at some stage next week and a photo byline for the Indo yesterday. I'm impressed. Although all the attention could be what brought on the depression again, you never know.

The other sister flies in on Friday with her boyf. It will be great to see her again. All the titches together. I think the brother is dropping up on christmas day, after dinner. That's what I gathered from the brief phone conversation I had with him yesterday. He's hard to understand with his mad culchiee voice. I know I sound like a bogger but I'd like to think most people can understand me.

She's off school on Thursday and can't wait apparently. Although I reckon she'll be bored within a few days and will be expecting us to entertain her. She can feck of. I suppose she won't be travelling down home with us to visit the grave and relatives. At least we will feel better leaving her behind
us. There's no worry about her doing anything mad. I hope. D , the best mate is spending christmas eve and day with us. Supposedly, the mother is not celebrating christmas. I never know who to believe. I mean, they live in a world of their own when it comes to stuff and half the time they make a lot of stuff up. D was around the other evening to bleach the kid's hair. The kid was under the impression that this time it would work. She has lovely mulitcoloured hair now. Needless to say she
was none too happy about it. She thought we had nothing better to do then make an emergency appointment with the hairdresser and get her hair sorted.

I explained that it was close to christmas and there were other things we would be spending our money on, like food shopping. There was some serious poutage before she calmed down and realised that it wasn't the end of the world because her hair was in glorious technicolor. Tonight we are doing the infamous grocery shopping, tesco will be greeting us with open arms. Tomorrow evening is titch drinkies with our mates, a few of them are dropping around to the apartment. She's delighted as she's probably aiming for pressies from most people. Subtle as ever, she is.

A partridge in a pear tree!

Its been a mad few days and my body is starting to complain about the socialising. I hate to say it but my age is starting to show! I feel like I just want to crawl into bed and not get out until next week. Although chances are the pillows will want to partee.. Feckers.

Weekend was good, went too fast. Friday night was sister's night as Mammy2 had her christmas party. I was dying of period pain and refusing to talk to my ovaries, who were called all the names under the sun. Mammy2 informed me of the good news, which states that its a good thing that I'm in such pain once a month as it means the ovaries are reacting to the sperm. Reacting how is what I want to know? Reacting as in " Oh there you are, watch him ladies, his intentions are anything but honourable" or reacting as in "Good lord, you are not putting that anywhere near me". Or "How you doin?" said in a Joey(Friends) voice.

The kid then decided to have an 'interesting' discussion on how techniclly, this appears to be her word du jour at the moment, the sperm rapes the ovary? I asked her where she got such an idea from and wait for it. "In Look who's talking" she started and I had to stop her there. She was basing theories on a movie. She continued despite my incredulous look. The ovary wants nothing to do with the sperm yet it contines to chase the egg around the place. I had a visual of musical chairs going on in and around the vacinity of my womb and then thought that it would cause a lot of pain having
body parts doing that. Although I am in pain anyway, so 'technically' it could be happening.

In the midst of a texting marathon on Sunday, she threw the follwing out:
"How come I don't get christmas clothes. EVERYONE else does"

Silence from us. This is the first I've heard of it to be honest and I won't mention our poor background where Mam had to draw shoes on our feet. Mammy2 had heard of it and she had christmas clothes bought for her every year. Don't say the word middle class around her family though, they suffer from Middle Class guilt. There's a lot of it going around apparently. I told the kid that it was too late this year for us to get her clothes, whilst under my breath the words "not in this lifetime" were being muttered. I mentioned that she could get some next year if she wanted, depending on how the finances are. I think she thinks our bank account is a bottomless pit and that we work all these hours to buy her christmas clothes and pay for her tatoo. She wants to get a tatoo for her birthday and so she went into the tatoo place and asked how much it would cost. She had an idea of what she wants done etc.

In and around 300 euros, so she'd pay half, obviously with her large button collection, and we'd pay the rest. Because we were going to spend 150 euros on her birthday. Again the words in this lifetime came to mind. As she climbed on the bus this morning, she shouted back that she might be getting into trouble with the art teacher because she didn't do her essay, I asked why and she
muttered something about me not being around. I'm sure Mammy2 would have loved to waffle about art given half the chance, but I get the feeling she doesn't want to do the essay. The holidays can't come soon enough for all concerned!

A teenage crisis.

The best friend D was on the phone for most of the night or vice versa with the kid because it was an emergency, apparently. She found a text on her boyf's phone from his ex telling him that she loved him etc, etc. D got paranoid later on that night, tried ringing him to ask him what was going on, he got annoyed and hung up. Long story short, and believe me when you've heard it for most of last night and this morning, it is long, she's convinced that he's cheating on her. She's been seeing him for a year. I made the mistake of asking what she was going to do about things. The kid stated and I tried not to laugh out loud:
"If she finds out she's cheating, she's going to dump him. She reckons the grieving process could take 6 months as she was with him for nearly a year" It seems she has already dumped him in her head and is moving on.

Teenagers, I ask you. They don't need to watch the soaps, their lives are soap operas! She was wrecked this morning again, as are we all. Mammy2 has come down from cloud media and is back to being a mere phleb. I don't think she likes the attention it brings though. The work crowd in here only found out about her appearences when my boss arrived in yesterday morning and said he had seen Mammy2 on Sky News. There is talk now of civil partnerships being brought in here by McDowell, but he makes annoucements like this every week so I wouldn't pass any heed on that. When we actually see a bill and the content of it, maybe then it will start to become a reality.

The socialising continues, tomorrow night is my christmas party. Friday night is Mammy2's xmas party. Sure its all go. She has cancelled Solas again. There's nothing we can do about it at this stage I suppose. If she doesn't want to go, we can't force her. She is of the opinion she doesn't need it. The only we can do is get in touch with her therapist and see what she has to say about it. I don't know whether its a good idea to stop the therapy as her counseller seems to think she should continue going but I guess only she can make that descision.

All things gay...

As I type this, poor Mammy2 is on the phone every few minutes, saying the same thing over and over. Yes, we'd love to get married, no I don't see it coming in anytime soon. For the same reasons everyone else wants to get married.

She is the only gay in the village as far as the press are concerned.

The Spiders were good fun. Such fun in fact that I was in no fit state to update the blog on Friday. I was just about able to upload all the pics I took from the night and remove the red eye. Shame there is no cure for Pink Eye. Thankfully, I was not the only one suffering. One of the guys didn't make it in, he was dying. Friday passed in a blur as I envisioned crawling home to my bed. She got all of her christmas shopping out of the way on Friday evening with the best mate. Well, most of the shopping. I was rudely awoken from an early night by her pounding the door down and showing me the pressies she got for Mammy2. If she lasts until christmas without telling her I'll be amazed. The photographer from the Irish Times was around on Saturday to take our pic for today's paper. She spent the best part of an hour taking pics and used what I think was the cheesiest one!

The guy rang Mammy2 last night to do the interview, its only a small piece but its important. We tried our best to get some other couple to do it, whilst we don't mind doing it, sometimes we feel that the generic public must be out there going "For god's sake just let them get married, it might keep them off the telly" etc. The way I feel about it is if I'm out then what else is there for people to know about me, or what should I be afriad of people finding out. When I was younger, there were no regular gay people in the media and so before I even came out, I was petrified as to what gay
people were like. This shouldn't be the case, we should be out there showing everyone that we're not sexual deviants, well some of us, I can't speak for everyone ;). We fall in love, we bring up children, we want the same rights as everyone else. So what? We should be putting
ourselves out there and forcing people to see that we are no different to anyone else. As one famous campaign a few years ago phrased it, we're sons and daughters, nieces ,nephews, grandchildren, gay, lesbian, bisexual. Its just another term to add to the list. We're people just like everyone else.
What annoys me even more is the people who think that its alright to 'give' us we equal rights as long as the children are protected. From what? Grrrrrrrrr.. Give us the same rights as everyone else but when it comes to children, leave this to the professionals, the hetrosexual couples. If we're not abusing them, we'll want them as homosexual mascots.

Anyhow, I shall get off my soapbox now.

Saturday was spent doing some clothes shopping with Mammy2 and then spending some time with Mammy2's family, her brother and his family were up from Mayo for the weekend. Sisters night was very succesful this week. I am only now regaining the power in my arm, she has a nasty habit of holding tight to my left arm and squeezing. Obviously this helps when you are watching a scary film? She was petriefied. The film was the Exorcism of Emily Rose and whilst it had some jumpy moments, I wouldn't say it was terrifying. She actually screamed out loud at one stage and no-one else did. A few people looked around at her and smiled, not that she noticed, she buried under her jacket.

On the way home was the usual discussion of when she moves out and gets her own place. She really has no concept of money, trying to explain to her that you'd need a full time job to have your own place in Dublin was not getting through. I told her she can get a student loan once she starts college. She then thought she could get enough of a loan to buy a nice 2 bed-roomed apartment on the south side. Explaining mortgages at around 12.30 of a Sunday night was not something I was looking forward to. So, I told her Mammy2 was good at all that financial stuff and that she might run through it with her. I'm sure Mammy2 will kill me, but I managed to stop the conversation for a while at least.

This week is looking equally hectic. My christmas party, meeting up with a friend from my college days, she recently got engaged and celebrated her 30th and I still have to give her her card and pressie and then Mammy2's christmas party which is on the Friday. I asked the kid to swap sisters night to the Friday night so she seemed happy enough with that. She's in grand form now that her period finally arrived, although I felt sorry for J the boyf on Saturday. She got it into her head that some girl at the gig he was playing at fancied him and wanted to be with him, there was tears and everything. I don't know how the poor boy manages.

Getting 'nearly' suspended..

Yesterday a letter arrived in the post address to her. Normally these kind of letters put the heart crossways in us, but what's worse is the ones addressed to the guardians of the kid. That puts the heebie jeebies up us. Anyhew, the reason we were panicked was because I had rang her when she was on her way home from school to see how she got on. We had a meeting to go to so we wouldn't be home until later. She was yabbering away about how she nearly got suspended and stuff.
I paused at this, I love the way she just pops this into a conversation? There was some trouble in art class with people throwing the modelling clay around and the year-head, Miss The only joy I get out of life is making kids lives a misery tackled all of the girls who were doing art rather then trying to find out who was behind it. Whilst I know the kid is no saint, far from it, she said she wasn't involved and this is something she would own up to, in an attempt to look cool, god bless her.

So the letter, it was inviting her to an awards ceremony in DCU, she's been nominated for something or other. She wasn't too impressed but we were. Well, when all you ever get is letters giving out about her, its a nice change. So, its on the 15th of December in the Helix. She reckons she won't win, but we said we're dragging her along anyway. Cue rolling of eyes.

She's at NCAD today for their open day. She has mentioned a few times how college is crap and only posh people go there, so hopefully this might change her mind. Their art teacher is bringing them and the teacher said that once they had finished in the college, there was no point in coming back to the school and she's bringing them to the National Gallery for the rest of the day. Of course they're all delighted they're getting off school. The uniform was thrown aside this morning as she got her stuff together and headed off.

Tonight, I've got the Golden Spiders awards, they're internet awards for different websites. We, as in the content team in here, are expected to attend. It should be a good laugh, apart from it being Black Tie. I have to go shopping for a fancy top tonight, I have a few picked out. Yes , the awards
ceremony is tonight and I am shopping tonight. You read it correctly. How life on the edge am I! Thank god its nearly the weekend, I'm not sure whether its the weather or what, but these days I am exhausted. Anyone mentions age gets shot. At the moment, its as if someone is throwing buckets
of water out of the sky, its madness. Where is the snow? The frost, the crisp mornings? This current government has a lot to answer for.

Highs and Lows

In the space of one night, the rollercoaster of emotions one can go through in relation to the kid.
I arrived home last night, later then usual, Operation Freeflow was in full effect. Ordinarily, I would have no problem with lots of guards around, espeically when some of the them are of the female variety but when the traffic takes an extra 40 minutes to get into town, then I'm not a happy camper. I stopped off at Clearys to see what they had to offer with regards to tops and I eyed up a few.

On arrival home, I was informed that the doctors appointment went grand, and the kid was put on the pill. Needless to say I was not impressed. But apparently, once she's reached 16, we don't have any say with regards to her going on the Pill. The only positive thing I can take from this maybe the hormones might improve with regards to PMT. I am still playing the ostrich in the sand with regards to her being a sexual being. I feel this gives her a licence to go off and shag all around her? I guess I just need some time to let this filter in and realise that its one more step that she's taking towards adulthood.

To more positive things, A Christmas Carol was great. I love it, its just so christmassy. As Mammy2 puts it, its like being hit over the head with a christmas stick, tis fabulous! With the lights up on O'Connell street and Henry street, I am so in the christmas spirit. So, my first black tie event tomorrow night, I hope I don't embaress myself. I'm sure it will all go well, the crux will be staying out whilst not getting locked with everyone else. There is a champagne reception and stuff but like I said, with an attempt this month I don't want to drown those poor swimmers whilst they work on seducing the ovaries.

Pole Dancing classes for fitness.

Funny how the kid didn't approach me and ask me about pole dancing classes. For fitness, of course. D, her best mate has been emailing Mammy2 back and forth, she has only recently discovered the joys of cyberspace and is emailing and msning to her hearts content. So she was obviously the one who drew the short straw in relation to asking about the classes. Things are still frosty around herself, she's been trying to pick a row with the poor boyf. I'm glad he has sisters else he would never understand the conundrum that is women. Not that he would be any closer to understanding us, but it gives him somewhat of a headstart.

This evening is doctors appointment. I would love to be a fly on the wall, except for I don't think I could handle listening to her talk about sex. I would be the person rocking back and forth in the corner. We are off to see a Christmas Carol tonight in the Gate. I love going to see it, its so christmassy and on opening night they have carol singers and stuff. Its soo cool. I hope her mood has improved, although after the doctor having a good look around, maybe she might not be.

The ghost of christmas past.

This weekend was hectic. Christmas shopping done and dusted. Wrapped and under the tree , yes that's right I did say tree. It went up last night along with decorations and tinsel and lots of other festive decorations! Poor Mammy2 was at her wits end trying to untangle lights. As per every year, one set of lights had to go. We were prepared for this though, and had an extra set.

9.00 Saturday morning, we were up and having breakfast. She was up because the boyf J had band pratice. We had met him the previous evening. It was ice cold and they were hanging in the courtyard again. We thought it was stupid with them freezing their butts off so we said they could come up. He was petrifed which I was delighted about. No need for the scarey talk just yet. They hung out in the room complete, with open door. I wasn't that niave. And then comes the statement no parent wants to know about. Mammy2 deals with all the sex talk stuff, I just cannot. As far as I'm concerned the kid is this small titch complete with nappy and not some sexual deviant. However,
Mammy2 indicated that she was indeed sexually active with the boyf. It took a huge amount of willpower not to go into the room and throw him out the window. We're only on the 2nd floor, he'd break an arm or something but wouldn't be too badly hurt.

Of cours in these situations, its always easier to blame the other person. There's no way the kid would instigate anything. This is what I chose to believe. Anyhew, Mammy2 is bringing her to the doctor this week for a check up. I'm not going to go down the route of in my day, because there's no point. She is fast on her way to adulthood and us grounding her or stopping her from seeing J is not going to change things. It might only make matters worse. I did say to Mammy2 that hell will freeze over before she gets up to anything in the apartment. Mammy2 is under the impression that the boy is too scared to try anything. I believe where teenagers and hormones are concerned anything is possible. And the fact that he isn't even shaving yet? Teenage boys are a conumdrum I've decided. Not yet shaving but able to have sex. Scary stuff.

Christmas shopping done, we met her for a late lunch. She devoured a salad, some pizza and a glass of coke before heading back to the boyf's band practice. It must be love, if she sits for the whole day whilst he strums away on the guitar. All day. Some of Saturday was also spent trying to find a dress for myself. I've got a black tie do to go this Thursday and I want to get someone fancy to wear. Is it too much to ask to get a dress that doesn't make me look like either a hooker or a transvestite? I mean , these are not looks I'm trying to cultivate but it appears to be what I end
up looking like.

Mammy2 thinks I could get away with wearing a smart trousers suit, I think she's worred about how cold I'll be. I wouldn't mind a smart trousers suit if I knew I wasn't going to be the only one in it. So this evening some more shopping and then a descision has to be made.

The kid is PMTing at the moment and holy god, yesterday was hell on toast. We did the grocery shopping and threw some choccy her way. Not that it worked. Things escalated when we were unpacking the decorations and found The BOOK? If you have been following this blog from its inception, you may rememeber a corn beef spirit and a possessed book. Well, this was the book I found. She was hanging in the room conjuring up spirits from the dead or whatever PMT teenagers do these days. After myself and Mammy2 had a good laugh at the book, mainly from the memories it invoked I had thought she would be able to look back and laugh. But no. When I went into the room to show her the book, she let a scream and ran to ring D about the possessed book. Apparently they threw it out. TWICE and now its back. Cue dramatic music.

There was an emergency phone call to D and plans were afoot as to how to get rid of it. I left them to it, there was dinner to be cooked. Last night being sisters night, once I'd armed myself with holy water we headed to the cinema to see The Exorcism of Emily Rose, the irony was not wasted on me.
Being the Savoy, one usually doesn't have to book. I say usually. The only film there were any tickets left for were Flight Plan. I didn't think that this was a film she'd be interested in, so I headed back to the foyer to tell her. Cue choirs of small boys shuffling behind me as I walked up and told her. 5 minutes later I was standing at the ticket place again booking 2 tickest to Flight Plan.

Surprisingly enough she enjoyed it? There were a couple of moments where she said she was going to be sick and a couple of moments where she was going to assault some people in tracksuits, for some reason these people seem to antagonise her more, but all in all, it was a success. Until we came out of the cinema to walk home. We live approx 20 minutes from the cinema and she wanted to get the LUAS. I braved the onslaught and we walked home. I then high-tailed it to bed asking Mammy2 to do the morning shift. There's only so much negativity one can take of a day or two.

I hope the period arrives soon, I don't know how much more of this one can take!

Leaving the nest.

The kid is moving in with her best mate D as soon as school finishes. She reckons that with herself and D working 2 jobs and starting college, they should be well able to afford a 2 bedroomed. Obviously they might need some financial assitance from us. I raised an eyebrow at this and informed her financial assistence will be for college if she decides to go and that's about. She was full of the joys of spring yesterday so nothing could slight her mood.

She met with D after school for a bag of chips and they obviously planned this moving in together stint then. She was very funny in relation to how much rent actually is. When she asked me how much we pay and I informed her, she was like "a MONTH , I thought it was every 2/3 months", it knocked some of the wind out of her. There was a quick phone call to D, some "yeah, no, I thought it was every month, okay, you think about it and get back to me". Phone hung up and then back to homework.

The weekend was fairly ineventful where she was concerned. I think its too cold for her to stay out past curfew. The boyfriend headed home early as it was freezing on Saturday night. When we got home , she was tucked up in bed with about 3 layers around her. We were out with Mammy2's parents. It was her mother's birthday and we met them after they had their meal for a few drinks.
Town was mental, its been ages since we were out in town of a Saturday night, we usually stay closer to home. It was also so cold, the winter is definetly settling in. I love the cold though, reminds me of home. Dublin never used to suffer with the frost and freezing fog, whereas down home it was great! The only thing I wouldn't like about this really cold weather is the poor elderly. They always
seem to bear the brunt of any cold snap.

Sunday, we had planned to cook stew. We left her to watch it whilst we went uptown to watch The Traveller Girl. Excellent movie, really makes me grateful for what you have. We arrived home to find the stew stuck to the bottom of the saucepan, she swears she stirred but to be honest she didn't look like she'd moved from her permanent position beside the PC. Luckily we had potatoes, so a spud dinner was what we settled on. Of course as soon as she was finished eating, she was DYING of cramps. I went for a shower and 2 minutes later, she barreled past me into the bathroom announcing that she was dying and did no-one care. As you may gather if you have been reading this blog for any period of time, when it comes to illnesses the kid is well up all things that ail you. If there's a dose going, chances are she has it. I'm not sure where this came from, whether as a result of Mam's illness or if it was always there.

So, when she is moaning whilst sitting on the toilet about how much pain she is, whilst texting with one hand at the same time, excuse us if we're not killing her with sympathy. I calmly explained that it was most likely cramps from eating properly seeing as her sole diet of a Saturday is brought to her courtesy of MacDonalds. She seemed to take this suggestion on board and I also warned her about improving her eating habits. When she gets in from school, I can understand her being starving, but instead of having a bowl of noodles, if she'd get some fruit or something to keep her going until we got home and cooked or even better she learned to cook for herself, when she wouldn't have these problems of cramps etc. Trying to explain this to a teenager is a waste of time though. The minute the cramps clear up, she's back to not giving a damn what she puts in her body.

Tonight and tomorrow, we are giving this baby making malarky another go. Mammy2 had the embaressing task of going into a chemist to ask for a smaller syringe. She managed to acquire one without having to tell the lovely lady behind the counter what it was for. We shall see how this attempt goes. I've been trying to do everything right, less units of alcholol, keep the stress levels down, etc etc, but I suppose there's only so much you can do and the rest in the hands of your ovaries. Feckers. I mean, they're great really. They are just soooo choosy. I mean, what was wrong with the last few guys that we sent up there. Perhaps a report might help as to what sort of swimmers they prefer. But nothing. No feedback, no Studies show that your ovaries prefer this type of swimmer. So we just try and wait.

But I've for the countdown to christmas to take my mind off things such as am I pregnant. We've got tickets to the opening night of A Christmas Carol, and the kid is all excited about going. Between that and christmas parties and the Golden Spiders awards ceremony, I won't have time to sit and brood as to when will I get pregnant. The Spiders are like the Internet Oscars for Ireland. Very posh and black tie. Hence I need to get a dress. I could borrow the one the kid wore to our anniversay do, yes, we are all the same size. Titchs the lot of us. I don't really want to splash out on a new dress which will probably be worn once a year.

Speaking of clothes, she had a non-uniform day today to raise money for some charity or other. Needless to say she was delighted. Lip piercing in, makeup on, flares and her knee length boots. I think she's going to enjoy thwarting the teachers today. She's been doing really well in school. She got her Art essay back on tatoos and she got an A. She was well impressed with herself. She is also allowed re-sit her Irish exam, as she was out for 2 days last week with a chill. She spoke to the Irish teacher and she's allowed to re-sit it. I was amazed that she went and spoke to the teacher herself.

HMV are looking for part time employees, so she's supposed to be dropping up there today as she's on a half day from school. It would be an ideal job for her with her interest in music, but somehow I can't see her doing anything more then dropping her cv in and scarppering. Although with this intention of herself and D getting their own place, it might be motivation for her. We shall see!

Holidays are coming...

Its getting close to that time of the year again when I turn into a nutter. I love christmas. Absolutely love it and after last years escapades, I'm hoping this christmas is a bit quieter then visits to the hospital. Also with last year being the first year without Mam it was always going to be hard, no matter how much we try to get over and deal with things with our sense of humour. But this year, I am hoping things will be better. The kid is well on her way to being a regular stroppy teenager and is looking forward to christmas. Poor Mammy2 doesn't know what to do about both of us bouncing off walls about christmas. I don't know what it is about the holiday season that makes me so happy. I just love it all, the lights, the tack, the music. Everything.

Anyhew, its also getting close to that time of the month when once again I feel I am imposing on my
ovaries by asking the simple favour of inviting some sperm into their cosy little clique. I've started
noticing shoulders and men in general. My ovaries don't have as much taste as I have , I have to say. They seem to just for big and broad, someone can carry small children on one shoulder and a house on the other. I don't know if they have conversed with my womb at any stage, but to be quite
honest, huge bloke and tiny woman just do not work, or maybe its that I cross my legs anytime I see
one of the rugby players and the thoughts of producing a child with one of them. Whereas the ovaries turn into teenage girls and giggle a lot.


Next Tuesday and Wednesday we are giving it another go. God only knows what this attempt will bring. A martian child at this rate.

The interview process with miss Rte has been going quite well, she's quite easy to chat to. She wanted us in our natural habitat, not the George, silly people. The apartment, just cooking dinner and talking about stuff , as families are prone to do. The kid wasn't in the mood of chatting or sitting in this time and ran to the room. She sat there stumming her guitar and looking moody. She has that down pat. As it turns out she's been off today and yesterday with some chill she caught. Mammy2 is after catching it now so needless to say the apartment is great fun at the moment.

She's also been stressing about chemistry and wants to drop it as a subject. If she's stressing now, I can't wait for the Leaving Cert. In between stressing, she has passed on her christmas list of things she wants.

Otep CD "Sevras Tra"
any Cd by Jimi Hendrix
Lacunca Coil boxset
Slayer Cd "Reign In Blood"
Prey for Rock N Roll DVD

and a surprise..

Obviously she's not getting all of those, she's allowed one and so we have to chose. Personally, they
all look dreadful but its her present. She also wants a ticket to Trivum, who are playing The Ambassador in March. The tickets are only 25 euros and ALL her friends are going and they'll be SOLD OUT if I wait another day! And so on and so forth. I told her that once all the birthdays of this month had passed, we would see how the finances are and perhaps get her a ticket. She seemed to reluctantly accept that as an answer.

The Underground

She has 'band practice' next Sunday and wants money for it. I asked her where this practice was taking place. Her response. The underground. I had images of her up to her knee in the sewers belting out a Slayer song with the teenage mutant hero turtles. Needless to say she was unimpressed with my response. An arched eyebrow and narrowed eyes were thrown my direction.
"Its a place in Temple bar" Interesting name I responded. The usual banter of a school morning.
She had to come home early on Saturday evening to put on more layers. Finally the cold is affecting her, she had to borrom my jumper, lucky I had it in black else it would have clashed with her dark ensemble!

I constantly look at teenager, as they stand around looking cool with not a jacket in sight? Sometimes they're standing there in next to nothing with a scarf casually thrown around them, like its going to protect their whole body from the cold.

So we're into another baby attempt already, well into the home straight so to speak as I ask my ovaries once again to be honest with me as to when I can expect a visit from the egg. They've been very unresponsive so far but I feel its in my best interests to not get mad at them, else it may
affect my zen or something. Perhaps I should take up yoga? Might relax me more.

I can't really see me sitting still for more then 5 minutes, though. I think the idea of trying to do that might stress me out more!

She got an A in her english essay. The teacher described the essay as provocative and inciteful. I had to go look up what those words meant. Needless to say she was chuffed. The essay was on the something to do with Smoking and hollywood, I can't the full title. It was impressive, I remember that much. She has another essay for Wedensday and she's already starting 'researching' for it. God bless Google!

Miss RTE is around tonight for the kids's interview, obviously with us around as well. It will be interesting to see how she deals with being serious, we're very rarely serious. Which will probably make us giggle more!

Another attempt, another failure

Rollercoaster, its been used lots of times to describe all aspects of parenting, but I think it applies even before the bundle of joy is conceived. Well, for those of us who go the alternative route of getting pregnant. I don't feel too bad this month, I had a feeling last week with the PMT and all that, that it wouldn't have been a success. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I'll skip looking for a Leo
baby and just settle for a baby at this stage.

We are thinking telling people we are taking a break. Just because it might stop them from asking are we pregnant yet every month. Its probably our own fault for telling them we were trying but if we say we are stopping for a while, it might stop them! They mean well, but it puts so much pressue on us. mammy2 got another book through work about getting pregnant. I know most of this stuff already, but another slant on it might do no harm. This woman recommends trying during ovulation as opposed to the day or so before which is what we've been doing. There are so many opinions on it, I guess we just keep trying! Thankfully, our donor is a patient man!

The kid behaved herself at the weekend, from what we can see. She didn't go to school on the Monday as she was DYING of period pain, no-one had ever expierenced pain like it apparently. She lived on a staple diet of MacDonalds, so I re-heated some stew we had left over from the weekend for her and she loved it. I swear, I'm thinking of giving her a cookery class. Then again I reckon
she knows how to cook and is just too lazy. Teenagers, lazy, surely not.

Anyhew, the weekend went too quickly, we took off to the wilds of Mayo with S and A for a girlie weekend. Friday night was spent in A's house in Athlone, she recently bought a new house so we had to admire the kitchen and her DIY. And her moulding, lest we forget. Then we headed out on the town, ended up in a pub where the music was way too loud of us to talk and we sat like 4 ould wans
giving out about the loudness of music these days. I felt so old.

Saturday morning, we paid a visit to Mam's grave and put some flowers on it. I didn't get a chance to go to it for her birthday as we were away in Wales. It still feels so strange reading her name on the headstone. We headed for Killary then, a quick stop off on the way for supplies and we arrived at the cottage for around 5. It was quite cold, so I got started on the fire whilst the rest of them started cooking dinner. A nice roast dinner followed by a few glasses of wine , and we had warmed up a lot! It was a great weekend. Lots of nutrional advice from A, who's big into eating properly. I think my diet of potatoes, poatoes and more potatoes scared her! Uno, Pictionary and discussions on Malaysia summed up the weekend. And long walks..

I had yesterday off and was in bed. The Kid was on a half day, and barreled through the door at around 12.45. I asked her how come she wasn't hanging with one of her mates. She yelled she'd be into a minute and sure enough 2 minutes later she wanders into the room in her pyjamas. She must hold the world record for the quickest removal of a school uniform ever. I have a feeling she has her pjs on under the uniform She was full of the joys of spring. She handed up her english essay and her english teacher thinks she's fabulous. She was reading Sylvia Plath after class and the teacher spotted her reading it and started a conversation about her, apparently its the teacher's favourite author. I asked the Kid how did the teacher walk about with the kids lips stuck to her ass.

She's joined some weird site called VampireFreaks.com. I sometimes think being left in the dark about what she gets up to on the internet is far better then actually seeing some the sites she accesses. Anyhew, she wanted to update her profile on this website and you needed to have some knowledge of HTML and/or Javascript. The minute she heard this, I was thrown into the chair and told to fix all the problems she was having with her profile. My skills come in useful sometimes it seems.

Solas

We had a meeting with her counseller from Solas on Tuesday evening with regards to her continued sessions and her skipping of sessions etc. I can understand when she gets in from a long day in school, the last thing she wants to do is head up town to talk about a load of personal stuff and Mam with her counseller, but we also explained that until the counseller is happy to finish therapy,
she should stay going.

I still can't believe how long this counsller has lasted, she went through 4 previous to this one and they each lasted between 2 weeks and a month. The meeting went quite well, C , her counseller chatted with us as to what we felt about the therapy and how the kid was getting on. It was decided then that maybe Tuesday wasn't a great day, so perhaps another day. Thursday has become the new thearpy day and C feels that there is still a bit to cover with respects to different things that went on in the kids past etc.

The kid was very funny, she's not comfortable with us being serious when talking to her, but obviously with the counsller sitting in the same room as us we couldn't start joking around. A number of times, she checked with me in case I was getting upset, which is something she doesn't like at all. I must have looked on the verge of tears, I explained that it could be the heating in the room or PMT, take your pick.

All in all, a productive meeting. We had to leg it from there to the Bailey to meet this RTE woman. As it turns out its a radio show and not a TV one, thank god. I think I was beginning to have 2nd thoughts if it was tv. Basically, she wants to interview us, get some snippets of home life with
us in the apartment and that's about it. She's calling around tonight to start the process off. She wants to tape us having dinner, should be entertaining rather then informative methinks. If people are privy to what goes on in our place prior to dinner, they might think not alone should gay people not be parents but that we are barmy as well.

The halloween break is going well for her, she's sleeping an average of 4 hours in the night.! Yesterday as I was getting up for work, she was just heading to bed after a marathon session of Space Invaders. It has to be an age thing. The ability to stay up that long, go to bed , get like 3 hours sleep and then back up again to meet Joe Boyf. I would be dead. A walking zombie. Mammy2 couldn't comprehend it, then again she needs about 12 hours of sleep on average per day. She was 'hanging' with him for most of the day, and then ploughed into the apartment at around 9 STARVING. Mammy2 whipped up her special, penne arribiata. She devoured that and went back to sprawling on the couch , whilst texting and talking about her day. She 'forgot' to hand her CV in anywhere.
Job hunting still going really well then I see. Considering she's back to gettting her pocket money next month, she'll probably wait it out.

Her pocket money this week she reluctantly donated to us for flowers for Mam's grave. We're visiting it this weekend on our way to Mayo, as I never got down to it for her birthday to put flowers there.

This is also the first weekend we are trusting the kid by herself. I'm more concerned about her eating habits then worrying about her bringing anyone back. She won't, that much I know. She knows how we feel about anyone in the apartment that we don't know. Her best mate D is coming ove ron Saturday night and they are having a girlie night with DVDs and takeout. Also D has to ring us from the home phone to confirm that she's there. Not that we don't trust her of course, just to be sure.
Teenagers are very trustworthy. Ahem.

Home Sweet Home

Paris is a breath-taking city and certainly lives up to expectations. So many things to see and do, the only thing I faulted it on was the fact that the word vegetarian was greeted with raised eyebrows. If you are vegetarian and want to eat in the non-tourist sections, ie where the locals for go meals prepare for the fact that a salad may consist of lettuce, chopped cucumber and tomatoes. Now , considering I had a limited amount of time there and didn't get a chance to get out every restuarent, perhaps it was just the ones I dined in. Then again, I am also a traditionalist when it comes to food and splendid things the french do with food was wasted on me.

The course was fairly full on for the 2 and half days we had it for, it will probably make more sense once we start developing the product. I arrived back into the airport on Friday night and the place was packed. I finally managed to locate Mammy2 and the kid squished between lots of people, complete with a bag of Tayto, they know me too well.

We gave my boss a lift home as we were passing by his house and for the next 2 hours my ears were assaulted by the kid filling me on exactly what she got up to whilst I was gone. It looked like I was going to get a minute by minute account. She apparently came out to the kids in school about us and they think its 'whopper'. Who knows what this means, except that its a step from their favourite expression "that's knacker". I was quite surprised she mentioned us, but there had been a conversation about parents and she wanted to set the record straight. No pun intended. In one of her classes, she was asked to fill in a questionaire about her parents and she said she just left it. Its odd how she can talk to frankly about being an orphan, no drama, no crying, she just deals with it.
She was telling us about one of her teachers was very funny. There is a girl from Niger or Nigeria, I'm unsure which, and the teacher asked her if they had to walk miles to the local school, to which the girl replied that she got the bus. The kid thought this was hilarious.

I think she's nearing the end of therapy, well in her head, whether or not Solas think so is another thing. She's been going for nearly 9 months now which is longer then we ever thought she'd stick at it for. She seems so much more grounded and happy in herself these days. Thank god.

The RTE woman rang at the weekend wanting to know if she could drop around and film some stuff on Thursday. Needless to say we said no. We still don't know the name of the program, how long it is, what angle they are taking etc. We have a meeting with the director tonight after Solas and we can thrash out some details. I'm not sure what she's thinking, but we are not about to invite cameras into our home and not have a clue what the program is about. I shall keep you posted as I am sure you will be riveted to your seats.

Another week to go before we can do a test, I have a good feeling about this attempt, not to put pressure on myself or anythings. Its funny because you are trying to act like its any other week, but in the back of your mind you are keeping an eye on your body's reactions to different things, or for any sign of PMT. Its going to be a fun one.

Partitions, insemintations and how to tell someone you're lost in French

We are away for a weekend with 2 of our female friends in 2 weeks time and she wants us to leave her by herself. That's going to happen alright. Aside from the fact that we'd be gone for a whole weekend, one can only imagine what that would involve now that she is seeing her boyf J. Who has managed to get a job now. She must be costing him a bit with buying credit and bus tickets up to Dublin to see her. She's still mad about him so I'd give him another week or so. She might even hold on until christmas, you never know. So, yes the weekend, we mentioned we'd have to discuss it. She rolled her eyes. What's new.

She declared that she was going to miss me yesterday. This comment was thrown out as she sat on the pc, chatting on MSN, texting someone and watching the telly. I wondered what exactly she'd miss. The fact that she'd have to make tea herself? I arrived home to find her sprawled on the couch in her 'jamas, with Charmed or some other silly show on the telly. She said that she had washed up and had noodles for dinner. She's convinced she's not eating properly and then goes and cooks herself noodles. Whilst they are okay as dinners go, she hasn't the patience to wait for us to come home and cook dinner. I suppose it is a step up from the tayto dinners she was having.

The best mate C was dropping over to the flat, I was having problems with my pc as I wanted Windows Xp Pro installed as it has IIS..I've lost you already haven't I? Well, I needed it for work. He managed to parition the hard drive and install Pro on a differnt drive so now we have 2 OS. Tis fantastic. I can get back to doing some work from home now. We headed to Kelly and Ping for a bite to eat as it was friends night after all. Since leaving my last work place, which is where C works
still, we have managed to keep in touch a good bit. He acknowledged the fact that he is the worst for keeping in contact, so we're doing very well. A nice curry in there and catching up on all the news. One sister bought a house, the brother got engaged and he had his nephew's christening as well.

We arrived back into the apartment to find mister donor ensconced on the couch. Complete
with a new haircolor. It was supposed to be blonde I think he said, it looked more reddish. It does suit him though. If it happened to me there would be much hilarty and laughing. I kid you not. So C checked everything was alright with the pc and bade a hasty farewell. Once he had left, the slagging commenced. I made the mistake of asking the kid for a few french phrases to help me out if I get lost in Paris. She can be quite patronising when she wants. But she ran through what to say if I do let lost. Mammy2 was chortling away to herself with images of me standing in the middle of Paris uttering "Is mise gobshite!" Needless to say I was unimpressed with her mocking me. French phrases out of the way, it was down to the business of baby making. I must say the kid is becoming much more relaxed about the whole thing, well what else can she do god bless her.

Our man went and did his thing and then we went off and did ours. No big incidents to report. It all went according to plan. The kid sang loudly and then wolfed her way through a packet of jellies our man brought up with him. He knows how to win her over. Sweets. And lots of them. We were going to have 2 attempts this time just in case the ovaries were out for the night and missed the sperm paying them a visit. They can be right stroppy cows at times. I mean who goes out of a Monday night?

Our man had to get an early bus back down the country, so he was planning on getting the 7.15 bus. Lets just say we were looking at an early morning wake up call! However, because he didn't get much sleep the previous night, he slept on and so at the more respectable time of 8ish, he headed off after leaving a 'surprise' as he likes to refer to it as in the bathroom. I have to say the man is amazing. Barely out of bed and dressed and he has two women waiting on him! And he still manages it?! I was well impressed.

Of course of all mornings for this to take place, it had to be the morning there was a board meeting with the CEO and so I was needed in work for 9.30. At approx 8.35 I was still lying on the bed, with Mammy2 doing some cheerleading for the little swimmers. She thinks this helps. I haven't the energy to tell her that ovaries don't have ears. I got showered, dressed and packed in the space of 15 mins. Said my goodbyes and went to stand in the rain and wind for 30 minutes trying to get a taxi to work. Not happening. Transport in the city centre is pants.

Back to the apartment, stressed and drenched, Mammy2 dropped me out. Turns out the meeting was cancelled until 12. When I should be in the airport having shots to ready myself for the flight. To say that I am not a fan of flying us putting it mildy. Terrified is more like it. I have to think of things to occupy my mind whilst we are about to take off. Take off and landing are the worst. I can pretend I am anywhere else whilst we are in the air. Also, not having Mammy2 with me is a tad more stressful. I find squeezing her hand helps. I guess I shall just have to survive. Now what was that phrase for
I am lost again? Paris for 4 days, should be fun. If I survive. Air France have a great record, or so I'm told.

autumn is well and truly here

the weekend has arrived thank god. The weather is feckin hilarious. This morning walking her to the bus stop was like the prelude to a bad horror film. The wind was whipping leaves around our ankles and the rain was coming down in dramatic sheets. As I had a jacket I didn't really mind it. She was freezing. At one stage, she doubled over whilst standing beside me. I stood for a minute and then asked her what all that was about. She glared at me and muttered something about not wanting to be dying around here. Before you write me off as being a completly unsymapatheic parent, this girl has more illnesses then hot dinners. At one stage last year, she thought she might have contracted the bubonic plague? She has calmed down a lot since, but she's still prone to the odd bout of dramatic stomach, head,leg clutching claiming cramp or god only knows what.

Our usual formulated response is that she should eat better. It seems to work. This week she was too hungry to wait for us to come home and cook dinner and was obviously snacking, so tonight she's getting a proper dinner. Potatoes, veg and fish as she's still vegetarian. I must say she's being doing quite well. I thought it was going to be a phase. I'm surprised I haven't been struck down for saying that!

RTE were on to Mammy2 yesterday in relation to a documentary they want to do on gay parenting and they want to feature us. Not sure what's involved, we have to meet the woman in the next weeks and they'd obviously want the kid in the program as well. She'd have no problems with it, but we might have to talk to the school in case there was a backlash from the students. As I said to Mammy2, the probability of these students sitting in of an average night watching RTE1 for some documentary on gay parenting is slim and none, but just to be on the safe side.

This weekend is hectic enough. Grocery shopping and a dvd tonight. Tomorrow, Mammy2's sister graduates and we're dining with the in-laws. They always have big family affairs. 5 children, I must get a good sleep tonight. On Sunday we're having brunch with a good friend who is moving to London. I fear there will be tears. Its still hard to believe he's actually going. It will be an excuse for us to travel
to London. I've never been.

defintion of a parent..

I got up this morning to find her school journal open. She needed notes written for her as to why she was late a few weeks ago. Now when you consider that I put her on the bus at approx 7.45 and school doesn't start until 9, one wonders what she gets up to between those times. Waiting for the best mate D, who runs late sometimes apparently. And so she wants us to write a note so she can get out of detention. I told her we wouldn't write it , that we had to discuss why she was late.

Of course there was the dramatic "Is it not enough that I attend classes and get good grades, you're asking too much" Not her exact words, I am para-phrasing but you get the idea.

She grumbled her way through breakfast and the discussion ended or so I thought. Whilst waiting for the bus, she again asked me to write a note. I told her no. The conversation went something along the lines of:

"Its your job"
"My job?"
"To write notes, its what parents do, they make breakfast, iron clothes and write notes. Its what you are supposed to do"

Followed by a wallop on the shoulder. I decided laughing outright in her face might not be appreciated at this time. If only our job was that simple. I'm sure the people at the bus stop must think we're nuts. She wallops me then demands a hug, and then hops on the bus. An average morning really. She was complaining of her tummy being upset last night, I couldn't resist asking if it was bird flu. She wasn't impressed with being reminded of her madness the previous year. A glare was thrown my way. Then there was the hour of sighing and more sighing until we asked what was wrong. J, the boy hadn't texted in like an hour so he must be mad at her. How they can constantly text is beyond me, my finger would fall off. I said, why yes, he's obviously going to dump you because you're de-virginistion didn't work. Nutter. I can do supportive parent when its required.
I look forward to justifying why we should write false notes so she can escape detention. I think a bit of detention might be good for her!

How to regain your virginity

According to herself, if you don't have sex for a year, your hymen closes over and you're a virgin again. When I had stopped laughing at her, I realised she was actually considering this information. I'm not sure who texted her, but I informed her that it was rubbish. This is the same girl who's breasts balloned overnight after a bowl of popcorn. It is plausible. There's a lot of talk about sex recently, it could have to do with the recently acquired boyfriend. Great, that's all we need, another headache.

Yesterday evening was relaxing despite Mammy2 being a pirate for most of the night. Now before you all jump to pervy thoughts, she's involved in this online real-time game where she's a pirate and has to fight and stuff to get her pieces of 8. 2 hours later I am still waiting for her to 'dock' so I can get on the PC and type up my portfoilo. She says she doesn't have a problem with it, but I call see her when she steps back from the PC. There's a nervous twitch about her.

We were supposed to be having an attempt this week for baby making, its a good thing I double checked my dates. Every ovulation calendar in the place laughed at me when I typed the dates. It turns out I was a week out. Good thing I checked, I don't know what's become of my head lately. So we are all set for Monday and Tuesday of next week. Then I fly out to certain death in Paris. We're been sent to Paris for training for three days with work. Needless to say flying is not top of my list of things to do. Holding my bosses hand whilst we fly is not really an option and when you consider that we're having an attempt that morning, niether is getting hammered. I guess I shall have to go with the old quizes and drive everyone insane.

Her empath abilities kicked in last night. I was having difficult breathing and then so was she. I don't know how she gets around of an average day, seriously. The amount of people out there in pain. I didn't get into that conversation though else it would have been a long night. She was online and there were lots of whimpers coming from her. This usually happens as a result of her finding some
guitar tab that she can thwart, sorry, I mean entertain the neighbours with. When she wasn't online she was yelling out from the bathroom asking Mammy2 why she was having some sort of discharge. I'm not joking. I explained that much as the neighbours love us, I'm sure they do not want to know what is going on inside her trousers. And she wonders why we get weird looks when we're walking to the bus stop.

lazy Sundays

The grounding is over and she is in a great mood. She is also being extra helpful. She offered to dry the dishes today unprovoked? I think this is a major step. Yes, I do. Stop shaking your head at me. She was hanging for most of yesterday with the boyf, J. Apparently he's madly in love with her. She posed the question this evening as to why people always 'fall madly in love' with her. I assumed it to rhetorical and so didn't answer. I was also in the middle of the biggest pile of ironing EVER. Wondering why people always fell for her wasn't top of my list of things. Deciding what to cook for dinner was.

Yesterday started off quite stressful as the old money or lack thereof problems reared their head again. Learning to budget with a teenager is proving a lot more daunting a task. Nevertheless after cleaning the place from top to bottom, a proactive way of dealing with the stress levels I feel, we had come to some sort of solution Thank god for Mammy2 and her calm head. The stress levels weren't helped by the following-

Pink hair color all over the new towels.
Black makeup all over the new towels.
Hair clogging up the drain in the shower and the shower not working.
Half eaten bowl of Special K left beside the PC with chocolate wrappers litterered around the place.

I was ready to scream. Mammy2 suggested that she would have a word with her when she returned from hanging.

Seeing as she was hanging for the day, you would think that we would take advantage of this time and spend some QT together. But no, there was grocery shopping and householdy shopping. We entered Atlantic Homecare with the intention of buying a new hose type thing for the shower and some tape the hold the mirror onto the car. Don't ask, its too long a story.

We left Atlantic Homecare with a new set of cutlery, delph and shower hose. I had to leave the Reindeer behind. I was taking this budget seriously dammnit but what's a girl to do when they have a christmas section set up. Clearwater Tesco's was hopping, seeing as we normally shop after 9 of a week day it was a scary expierence navigating the aisles and trying not to run over small children in the process. It has to be the gayest Tesco in Dublin. From the staff to the customers, I feel like its Pride again!

With all the shopping done for the week, we relaxed for the afternoon and pondered her actually getting home by curfew this week. She wants curfew extended and so for the next 2 weeks if she is home on time, we told her we would think about it. Bang on time, she bounded through the door. Mammy2 was just about to text her.

A conversation was had about leaving the place in a tidy state, which she nodded to and apologised. It will be interesting to see if she keeps to it. This sunday was the first sunday she has offered to dry the dishes so perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to assume the worst. Tonight is sisters night which means wandering over to Chartbusters and 'trying' to find a horror film. We rented out Prey for Rock and Roll on Friday night and I thought she was going to have sex with the telly. It was all about a girl rock band and it starred Gina Gershon who is quite sexy. The kid was more interested in the scenes involving the guitars, of which there were many.

But to the horror films, I swear they see is coming in that place and whip out the worst B films known to man. 9 times out of 10 we rent them because we haven't heard of them. We are starting to become wise to their titles though and aren't so quick to rush to the counter with such films called "The creature from under the Island" or "The dangers of the Safety Pin" I kid you not. I'll keep you posted as I know you you'll be on the edge of your seat.

Hakuna Matata

So it looks like ovualation finally has settled on a day, next week. We are all systems go. Not that I really want a Leo or anything, I'll settle for a baby. The week has passed surprisingly enough with incident. With the exception of her being in foul mood when she arrives home initially because she can't text her boyf. She's rang him a few times, although we don't allow her to stay on long. He doesn't have a landline, something to do with his sister making too many calls
to mobiles and running up huge bills. Sounds familar!
The neighbours must be delighted she's not single any more.
The average convesation whilst trying to get her off the phone might go as follows:

"Times Up, get off the phone" - us in the sitting room.
"IN A MINUTE" - her in the bedroom where she would probably be hanging upside from the wardrobe. What is with teengers
unable to just sit and talk on the phone.
2 more minutes pass.
"Get off the phone, NOW"
"FINE" more whispering about how we're facists and she has to get off the phone.
2 more minutes
"You're going to grounded again"
"ALRIGHT, ALREADY, (insert curse word here)"
"What did you say"
"Nothing, I love you"

I'm sure it goes on in most houses where teenagers and phone calls are involved. She's 'hanging' all day tomorrow. She had the nerve to ask would be extend the curfew tomorrow because J the boyfriend is only up in Dublin for the day, he's from Kildare. Mammy2 told her that if over the next 2 weeks, if she's home on time then we will consider it. This is to demonstrate that we're not pushovers. I think. The amsterdam trip is out, she decided that the efforts required to find a job were too much. She had to pay towards some of it and needless to say it was looking less enticing when she had to put funds towards it.

home sweet home

I arrive home to find her hunched over the computer sending text messages via the internet. Free broadband is a blessing. One of the perks of the new job. I think she is starting to miss her free texts. What gave me the hint was that she wanted to change her punishment for the week. She was willing to hand over the phone for the remaining three days if she could get credit. Yes, I must have looked like I came down in the last shower. I re-iterated what I had said about her owing us 20 euros and so that's where the money for her credit went. More eye rolling and endless tapping on the keyboard.

Its all the worse now according to her because she can't text her boyfriend when she's in school. I resisted the urge to say something along the lines of "You shouldn't be texting when you're in school anyway" I felt this might be counterproductive!

She had cooked herself chicken noodle soup for dinner. Given the current mood, I refrained from mentioning vegetarians don't eat chicken. I valued my life too much for that. With Mammy2 working late, I decided to work on tidying the place up. A coke bottle thrown here, dirty underwear in the bathroom and a pile of washing up. Domestic bliss in the home of the mammies. She has calmed down thank god and is now using up all the available hot water. She will be out soon enough to throw me off the PC so she can send free texts. I don't mind really, being on the PC all day is tiring enough without spending most of the evening on it, even if it is free.

I shall go and start dinner for Mammy2.

from cool sis to biatch in the space of a few hours..

I went from being the best sister ever to a miserable coot in the space of 2 days. How great is that?!
Clothes shopping on Saturday morning from around 10 o'clock. It really is the only time to shop, no queues anywhere from ATMs to trying things on. We started on Talbot street and worked our way all the way up Henry street do Pennies, where she over dosed on underwear and pyjamas. She has a fascination with pyjamas. I think she gets that from the sister in Holland who is obessed with sleep and food in that order I think.

Laden down with shopping bags full , we headed for a coffee in Roasters cafe in the Jervis Shopping Centre. A complete rip-off, I honestly don't know why I am surprised these days with the cost of things in Dublin. Shopping trip completed and back home for 1.30, we had to get our stuff together and head back up town for the angry potato treasure hunt, which we were organising. Just about enough time to draw breath. She was busy trying on everything she had bought. Lots of squeals and "How cool do I look" type thing. She had received some money from people as a result of doing so well in her junior cert and with that cash she purchased a pair of boots that go from her feet all the way to her knees.
Which she is in love with. Loads more squeals. Of course, she had to borrow money from us to put towards the boots, so she's back to owing us pocket money.

She was supposed to be going to a party on the Saturday night and staying over. Long discussion was had about rules and no alcohol/drugs/sex etc. Lots of rolling eyes back. That was the plan. We arrive home around 10 to an empty apartment all good. At around 12.30, I hear the front door open. I bound out of bed and demand to know what she's doing home and at this time. She was yacking away about not wanting to go to the party and she was just 'hanging' in MacDonalds until 12. I was too tired for 'the talk' so I said we would discuss it in the morning.

She then gestured to her eyebrow, which she said she decided to get pierced. After I don't know how may dicussions we had in relation to the school rules and piercings , she goes and gets a bar through her eyebrow. I again referred to talking about it in the morning. I was fuming though and had dreams about confronting her and grounding her for life. That morning, I had a chat with Mammy2 and it was agreed that this time, she was going to do the chastising. We settled on grounding for the week and no credit for her phone which she wanted us to get for her. I think she was getting off lightly considering she was waaaay over curfew and she got her feckin eyebrow pierced.

Mammy2 blessed herself a number of times , grabbed a bottle of holy water and headed for 'the talk'. The following snippets are all I could hear:
"but just listen, see this is what happened.."
"but I can wear a plaster over it and they'll never know"
"yeah I know but I just"
"yeah, but I'm sorry and it won't happen again"
"but, yeah"
"yeah, but"

Mammy2 got out alive with a grounding and no credit for her phone as well as her owing us a month's worth of pocket money. I thought she did well. She didn't even need the holy water.

I think her good humour has a lot to do with a new man in her life, yes, the lesbian phase that we are just not taking seriously enough is dropped quicker then a westlife ticket and now she is seeing J. He's in a rock band. I asked her if she had made him aware of her lifestyle choice to whice I received a wallop in response. Off she toddled to school, with plaster protruding from her eyebrow. She's getting it removed this evening and if it costs money, that's another weeks' pocket money gone. I love the way she spends money before she even gets it? Are all teenagers like this? One wonders what she'll be like when gets a job. See how I am still staying positive about this?!

Its Monday and not a sign of any peeved ovaries. On the plus side, this means we shall be able to have an attempt this month, thankfully as it will be well past our man's bday. Hopefully he can make it up mid-week, no pun intended.

forgery and periods

Well, I spoke too soon yesterday. I never should have opened my mouth. Mammy2 rang me to tell me that the kid had rang to inform her that she had forged a note for herself and was on the way home because she was 'crippled' with pain. Now, the kid suffers the same as the rest of us with period pain. However, trying to get accross the fact that you can't just piss off from school or work or whatever you are up to because you've got cramps is not really sinking in. Mammy2 was at home as its that time of the year which isn't great for people suffering from depression so in order to keep it away she's taken some time off work. You can only imagine her surprise when the kid bounds into the apartment, is singing as she heads to the bathroom and in general great spirits.

Obviously with Mammy2 being sick, she wasn't in any shape to tackle the brat. I told her to leave it with me. I was going to reef her out of it for this epsiode. She was getting too used to forging the notes. And the thing is she's better at writing notes then me. She's very flowery with her language.

An average note would read as follows

"____ is unable to attend the rest of her classes due to being very ill. Please excuse her from school. Rest assured she will continue her studies at home"

or something to that affect. Because I talk like that? Rest assured. Her english is to be admired, even if she is forging notes.

As it turns out, D finished on a half day, and this obviously worsened the cramps?! We had a website meeting straight after work and she had to go to Solas, which she did. By herself. I think she wanted to be out of the apartment when we arrived in. Naturally when we confronted her about the note, she immediately moved into the victim stance we've come to know and dread. Something along the lines of "Am I suppose to DIE of pain?" etc.

I had a quick image in my head of the headlines of some of the newspapers the following day:
"Lesbians leave 16 year old to die of period pain" and picture of the kid with a packet of tampex casually thrown to one side. Us in orange jumpsuits with Mammy2 throwing one of the cameramen to the ground.
or better yet
"Periods Kill. One 16 year old speaks from beyond the grave of her expierence with the evil plague that visits women once a month"
and a picture of some medium with a huge painted picture of the kid behind her.

You get the picture. I explained, as rationally as one can to a 16 year old that she's going to be in pain every month and its crap but its just one of those things. After lots of discussion back and forth, we decided that she isn't going to be punished this time. But if it happens again she is in big trouble. I believe in 2nd chances. I don't think Mammy2 was too impressed though. Aside from the fact that she was sick, she was also fuming at what
the kid did. I think if she had her way, the kid would have been grounded and her phone removed from her.

Mammy2 reckons she knows exactly how to play us and is working us to her advantage. I'd like to think she's not that sly and I don't think its the case. She's just a teeanger chancing her arm.

People are interesting in relation to parenting. Some of our mates just look on with their mouths open when we regale them with tales of the child. I can see it in their heads though, many thoughts , most of them starting with
"If she were my kid" or "They are such eejits for allowing her away with that"
The poor best mate C got an earful one day last year when he tried to question the parenting. He didn't realise it was a slight on character. I suppose I am a wee bit senstive when it comes to the kid. I'd like to think that we're doing a good job whilst not being completly taken for a ride. So much has happened in the last 16 months that I haven't had a chance to sit back and take a look at how we're getting along. But she's happy and for the moment, that's enough. She's acting like a regular teenager as opposed to someone who wanted to die last year. She's not slicing her arms to bits, she's moved onto our towels now instead!

I'm sure when Mammy2 serves divorce papers I may re-think this line of thought.

flavoured condoms and coffee

In school, they are being taught to set up a company and pick a product which they can sell. She chose flavoured condoms, they chose lollipops. Figures. I clarified with her if she had suggested the product to her teacher, thankfully she had the sense not to do that. I can only imgine the parent teacher meeting with that conversation. She annouced yesterday herself and her best mate are
'going for coffee' on Wednesday. I'm unsure what brought this on but anything that involves her not being around us whilst she's in the middle of her period is always good.

Yesterday, I just about survived the evening with her. Considering, its that time of the month, when my ovaries decide to get pissy with me all because they're not arsed offering a good home to the sperm that knock on its door. They decide they are going to control my every mood. If it looks like I'm happy, make me miserable, if it looks like I am dwelling too long on miserable, cheer me up really quickly in case I get suspicious. As if I don't know their style already.

We are having an attempt this month , hopefully. It is our man's bday and if figures go correctly, it looks like those bitches, the ovaries that is, are looking to get dolled up and ready for action in and around his bday weekend. I suppose I should have pointed the calendar out to them ages ago and we wouldn't be having this problem. Still, you never know. They might hold on for a while.

We are a grand total of one month into the school year and so far so good. Only one phone call and a couple of stern warnings in relation to make-up and hair color. Apparently the blood red streaks that are now turning pink could be classes as a cult hairstyle. I wonder could I get them to explain cult hairstyle to us? What exactly does it mean because I have no idea. She's getting her hair done on Thursday anyway, back to the black. She has mentioned bleaching it and I told her to save it for the summer holidays.

She's 'job hunting' at the moment. For that read, sitting at the pc and loading up nixers.com. Then going, "there's no jobs out there at all". She wants a job, yet she doesn't want to do any of the jobs that are advertised. One of the criteria for Amsterdam, and we are still considering it, is she has to get a job and pay for some of it. It might also make her a bit more responsible. I wonder will she be buying coke as much when she has to pay for it herself. I don't think so. I'm trying to imagine her in a job which involves interacting with the public. And its not happening either. Perhaps she will surprise us all.

She's got a new friend by the name of Alexia. I don't think she has one friend with a regular name like Mary, Tom or Mick. They range from Troy to Jade to Alexia. Never mind the names, her mates are from as far away as South Africa and Russia. She's like the UN of Central Bank. Hm, I wonder would she see the funny side of a blue helmut for christmas?

empty apartment

I arrived home to an empty apartment last night. I had picked up potatoes planning on cooking her a dinner involving vitamins for a change and I was greeted with tumbleweed. Naturally, my first thought was to ponder where I would start looking for her if Ireland's first and only serial killer was roaming the streets of Dublin looking for 5ft 5 inch 16 year old teenagers who wear a lot of black and listen to Slayer.
You never can be too careful. I always error on the side of the fact that she's been killed rather then she's out with mates or anything ordinary like that? Now I'm thinking how quick can I get to the cop shop to report her missing. Yes, I am a morbib soul.

As it turns out I was mistaken, she was up town 'hanging' with her mates. This hanging takes up a large amount of their time, one wonders what criteria is involved for this hanging and if it is exclusive to teenagers or anyone can partake. When she arrived home, she annouced P's dad would be ringing so we could chat to him about Holland. I had visions of them getting together up town, paying some hobo to ring our landline and tell us he was going to Amsterdamn with them. I made a mental note to ask some questions about P and see where it got me.

He's to ring tonight and we can chat to him. We shall reserve judgement until then although Mammy2 is adamant about the trip already. Words like there's not a hope in hell of it happening spring to mind. She can be quite stubborn when it comes to the kid at times, she has a few streaks of her mother in her and sometimes this is not necessarily a good thing! I said we should talk to P's dad, see what the story is and then make the descision. I have softened somewhat from my initial "it'll be a cold day in hell before she gets on plane with THAT lot" type thing which is not really constructive at all.

back from the wilds of Wales

We went on holiday for 7 days and she didn't burn the place to the ground. Well, she had sitters but still, we were well impressed. A week in Wales , its a beautiful country. I had spent a summer there when I was in college, working as a chambermaid. It hasn't changed much. A relaxing week spent in the company of Mammy2 , lots of sleeping, eating, reading and drinking. Mammy2 was adventerous when it came to trying out new beers, I wasn't bothered.

The place is so picturesque, when I've uploaded the holiday pics I can pop a few images in here of Tenby and Pembroke. The ferry trip was fun, I felt like I was on a episode of the Love Boat, without the buffon though and the bad storyline.

We arrived back on Saturday last, 12 hours travelling as we had to get the bus from Tenby to Pembroke Dock, the ferry to Rosslare, the train to Dublin and then the LUAS home. We got into our apartment for around 10.30. The place was tidy enough, she was at a house party that night so we had the night to adjust to being home before our ears started to bleed once she returned. It had been a whole week since she saw us, she was probably storing loads of information. We did ring on Thursday to see how she was. It would have been mam's birthday and I was worried she might have been upset or something. But no. We rang the house phone no answer, rang her mobile and she was in Supermacs with one of our mates, they worked out a rota of who had her on which night. Yes we are lucky we have such good mates. And that she gets along with them all so well.

The sunday was spent washing clothes and listening to her talk about what had happened to her in the 7 days we were away. The hair was commented on by the vice , but she is going to talk to her about it, because its so unfair that other people are allowed different hair, and so on and so forth. In the midst of the rant about how her chemsitry teacher hates her, and the vice is picking on her and her new best friend is a schizo, she slipped in the fact that P, a 'friend' has already booked the trip to Holland. Ages ago, she mentioned to us that this P character, who is not top of our list of mates for her, was thinking of organising a group of them to go to Amsterdam over the Halloween break and there would be adults going etc. We repsonded by saying that once she'd checked it out, as to where they would be staying and which adults were going we would CONSIDER it. Obviously the teenage definition of consider is a lot different to our definition, because she mentioned that P had booked it. And that one adult was going, P's dad.

Now, due an incident last year involving P, we are extremly wary of him. The rest of the gang people she knows from the Bank, also top of our list. So, whilst we indicated we were giving it some thought, it was never going to happen. What parent would let a bunch of teenagers loose on Amsterdam?
I broached the subject of her not going on Tuesday evening. The eyebrows were raised, the indignant face was pulled and the excuses began. I'm pretty sure she was casting some spell at the same time, judging from the contortions she was pulling.

For every reason we listed, she had an answer to. It ended as a stalemate. She thinks. She's not going, I just have to learn how to be firmer with her. If only there were a book to teach one how to do that.

One of her friends has 4 months to live. Apparently, because her white cell count is low or something like that. I find it very hard to take most things she says about her mates seriously, this girl has been dying for the last year, every time the kid meets up her? Whilst I didn't laugh outright at the
suggestion, she did accuse me of not taking her seriously. Her new friend S is apparently schizo, because she wanted to her lip pierced EXACTLY like the kid? Single , White, female eat your heart out, you've got nothing on this S girl!?!

We were warned to steer clear of the apartment on Tuesday evening whilst she praticed her 'singing'. I had to stop myself from dropping a leaflet under the doors of our neighbours apartments to warn them of the impending apocalypse. Her singing drowned out by god only knows what riff she has decided to play. She has been a full month at school and so far only one phone call. My guess is they are waiting until we have our 2 month review with them and then the head is going to let rip. I will be waiting for her, because whilst I have all the respect in the world for the vice, she is only doing her job, the head's job appears to be to make every girl who attends this school a living hell.

With the lack of lip-ring and makeup these days on the kid, she has taken to arguing about how far the tie should be up to her neck. I worry about how she spends her nights, rocking back and forth with a measuring tape next to her neck, watching herself go blue and thinking that maybe the tie is too tight that far up? She's a nutjob. I was intimidated by her last year and I think she knew it, this year, I will not be. I think there's some politics going on with her and the vice as she got passed over for the vice's job. Thank god, I shudder to think what the school would be like with her as vice.

I'm just back in work today, after a 3 day jave course. It was an excellent course and I hope to get the chance to use the skills I picked up over the next few weeks. Its true that your brain really is a muscle that needs regular exercise. After those 3 days I feel like I can take up games programming or something equally taxing. God bless my innocence.

The mornings really are starting to get darker as are the evenings, its a real sign christmas is approaching. She's been going on about christmas and being really excited about it coming. I think it might have to do with the large christmas list she has written up for us. I'm not that niave.

her to do list

1. Make sure you take your tablet every night before you go to bed.

2. Little or NO makeup when going to school.

3. The tie is to go around your neck as opposed to the bottom of the bag.

4. Skirt visible under jumper at all times.

5. Homework done before the Charmed marathon starts on Digital.

6. Lip ring removed and left beside Mam before going to school.

7. Have breakfast, lunch and dinner. 2 Twix’s do not count as dinner.

8. Don’t have the Discman on all the time; you won’t hear when your teenage sitter arrives.

9. The extra money is for essentials. Coke and chocolate, despite what you may think, do not count as essentials.

10. Bedtime not later then 12.30. I can see you rolling your eyes.

11. Remember the neighbours do NOT want to hear your music or guitar at any time, no matter how 'sexy' either is.

12. SOLAS at 5 on Tuesday. Don’t forget.

We shall see you on Saturday. Hopefully without the bodies of your sitters scattered around the apartment.

and the results are

6 honours and 4 passes. She got the A in art and a B in maths. She's chuffed and we are so proud! I can't believe how well she did considering the last year she put in.

junior cert results in less then 3 hours..

So today's the day..I think we're more nervous then she is! I have to ring her at around 12 to see how she got on. Then she's heading to her mates to get the rest of hair dyed blood red. They ran out of hair dye last night which explains her 'interesting' roots this morning. She had therapy yesterday for the first time in over a month and of course she didn't want to go, but she eventually agreed. Apparently, she's not falling for the therapist's tactics of wanting to talk about her childhood. You'd swear the therapist sat waiting to throw stuff at her and catch her out or something?

According to Mammy2, J is on the way out. I think the dumping will take place at the weekend. She obviously has to find time in her hectic social schedule. She lasted a grand total of 3 weeks. As Mammy2 put it last night, we're like the revolving doors of her relationships. She meets someone,
they hang out, we meet them, they seem nice, we feed them, she dumps them. Its like a conveyer belt of girlfriends and boyfriends. I suppose she is only 16. Trying to talk to her about feelings and other people's feeling is just a waste of time. She just shrugs her shoulders and moves on.

So we're bringing her out to dinner tonight and then she wants to go see some polish band in some unknown location on the Quays. Like that's going to happen. I explained to her in no uncertain terms that she was not heading off in search of some band at night? There's a girl still missing, an 18 year ,
it was reported at the weekend and she disappeared in and around Eden Quay. I got an over the top rolling of the eyes and then another shrug of the shoulders.

"That's not going to happen to me"

We shall see what she wants to do, we are not entertaining the notion of polish bands.

I feel I am getting older. Its scary. Last night, when she barreled in the door looking like an extra from the true life movie of the week with her peroxide roots, she yelled into the bedroom that she was going to have a shower. To which I responded " Don't use the good towels" . I mean, good towels? Really , was there any need to utter those words. How old am I? I do have a valid reason though, because once she enters a bathroom espeically when there is hair dye involved
everything in the bathroom changes to that color. Well, that's my defence and I am sticking to it.
But still, I shudder when I think back.

Did I mention another failed attempt. Well, here it is. Not that I thought it had taken this time. Something to do with my ovaries being very picky. Its weird the way the body works and the way you want it to work. Sometimes the body treats the sperm entering it as an infection and tries to fight it. I'm not quite sure if the market is ready for ovary yoga just yet but its definetly something worth pondering don't you think? Get in touch with your inner ovaries and all that. Tell them that when something is swimming towards them, not to wallop them into the middle of next week, thereby causing the vessel, ie your body considerable discomfort, but more along the lines of embracing them and welcoming them to their bosom. Chance would be a fine thing.

I can see the Jerry Spinger show now: "Welcome to how your ovaries feel today"

Anyway, I am holding out for an October/November conception as then the kid would be a Leo and be fantastic! No pressure or anything like that. Our next attempt should be when we return from holidays so if I'm not relaxed enough then I'll never be...

I think I should do some work whilst the concentration levels are somewhat high. Then again that could be due to the smell of coffee wafting towards me.