I f**king heart you Shelly

Words to warm a parent's heart. That was a txt I got from kid as I left Finglas yesterday to head back to work. Just to explain, to heart something is very good. Normally she reserves the word heart for things like Slayer, various women she likes, Coke, tatoos, my mash but rarely do we get the honour of being hearted. And with an expletitive thrown in , she must mean it. There are various moments in my life when I am proud of that kid, there have been lots of them, but yesterday I think was the proudest. Yes, she still has her exams to do and yes she has college to get into. But for now, that kid has survived. Through everything that was thrown at her. And for that I am so proud. I remember myself and Mammy2 attending one of the first of many ceremonies the schools that she has attended put on. It was an end of year celebration for CBS, Westland Row. She hated that school, much like she hated her old school
in Athlone. I suppose more so because she was 14, from the country and 'different'. All the kids were inner city from Pearse Street and the surrounding areas so her with her black eye makeup, wiccan rituals and general outlook on life forced her to stand out. I remember we sat down near the back, she was up at the front. By herself. She had no friends apart from one girl who used to talk to her the odd time. As the students all piled in, she cut such a lonely figure up at the front. I couldn't watch. She was going to be sitting by herself for the whole thing. I was in bits. Thankfully, the friendly girl arrived in and the principal sent her over to sit beside the kid. We were never so relieved.
She didn't win anything but we were happy just to have her see out her 2nd year there. The next few ceremonies were slightly less nail biting as she started to make friends. Yesterday, when I arrived at the church, she was with 2 girls who I had never met and was hyper, txting people, calling the best mate K to see where she was. Jumping around the place with her blood red pigtails.

There had been a 'discussion' that morning about wearing her full uniform.

"But my docs are more comfortable"
"I won't wear my tie"
"Because I don't wanna........." always the mature answer you expect from a 17 year old.

However, in her defence, she did leave the docs at home. I guess her plan with dying her hair blood red is that by the time the teacher gets over the hair they won't raise an eyebrow at the lack of tie and shoes. She did 'forget' her tie. Conviently. We were supposed to be sitting beside the students, but the head teacher moved them to the right hand side of the church whilst I sat with the best mate K's Mammy. It was the first time I met her. Get this, she's the
same age as me. I get freaked out about that the whole time! The mass was grand, the priest was entertaining and the school choir are very good. When it got the principal's speech, I was convinced he had borrowed the wear Sunscreen spile. He's down with the kids alright. The mass ended with the choir performing I Believe by Yoland Adams, an R&B gospelly song. I had tears at that stage. I could see the kid's pigtails bobbing up and down and her joking with the mates and its hard to describe how proud I felt of her. The choir at this stage were giving it socks, swaying and clapping and they ended by throwing their ties up in the air. Afterwards the kid wanted me to go back to the school for tea and cakes but I was tied to time as I hadn't taken a half day. I felt bad so I said I would bring them out for dinner. She jumped on me nearly killing me with a hug.

As I left I txted her telling her how proud I was of her and how proud Mam would have been. And the title is the reply. She's one cool kid and she's ours :)

Graduation Mass

The kid has her graduation mass today. She wants to go and wants us to go as well. Considering she's not even a catholic, as far as she's concerned I'm surprised at her wanting to show her face. All her mates are going so I suppose its an oppurtunity for her to meet up with them. There's a party tonight at some place called the Quarry. This is the only information I have regarding the party and she wants 20 euros for it. I have my doubts but it is her graduation so I suppose we have to let her celebrate like a regular teenager. She was in foul form yesterday. I'm not sure what the cause was. I had skipped training and planned to do some work as I have another project kicking off this week. However, she hadn't see us since Friday and so was in the mood for a chat. She was very out of sorts and so I did a bit of work and spent the rest of the time trying to cheer her up. Of course this involved coke and munchies. The way to a teenager's heart, well this teenager at any rate. She seems to be doing okay at the studying, or so she tells us. She has a double French grind this week and she's asked for a double Maths one as well. Seeing as Maths , English and Irish are next week, I reckon it might be a good idea. She also thinks she's going to fail French and Chemisty. She has always had a mental block where chemistry is concerned, but I thought she might pass French. I guess we'll see.

Coke, munchies and playing the nintendo, she cheered up a good bit. Apparently the lowdown dog, S is trying to get back in with her. Good luck to him. Thankfully the best mate K and the soon to be new boyf I don't like him and she is listening to their advice. For the moment. She's also worried she has the chicken pox. Because the miserable arse S had them when she was hanging around with him. I told her that chicken pox would be the least of his worries if I got near him. I finished trying to do some work and decided to watch the rugby with a sick Mammy2. She had crawled from the bed for an hour, went back to bed and came back out for the rugby documentary. Thankfully, this time she is taking care of herself. Usually she can be quite stubborn and insist she's fine and then she gets a chest infection because of her asthma and before you know it she's writing her last will. She's taking today off as well and will probably work the time up if her boss is being a bitch. Oh wait, he always is.

I have loads of work today, thankfully, there's a bank holiday coming up and I can hopefully spend some time doing some work. We were supposed to meet up with the mate S tonight for dinner, but with Mammy2 being sick, I re-scheduled. We are lunching before the big game on Sunday. I'm hoping to go training as I skiped it yesterday thinking I would get a wee bit of work done.

From ugandian dancing in the Morrison to a church in Swinford

Just about sums up the weekend. Met the mate J on Friday for a pint and a catch, poor thing was very stressed out and also very irate. A mutal mate of ours was the cause of the ire. Lets just say some people really need a clue or to buy a clue on the internet because there's only so many times you can say a but sure I'm sure it was a mis understanding or a mis communication or whatever. Regardless, we had a good night. At one stage Mammy2 and J were dancing. Mammy2 dancing is pure madness as she never dances, that's not to say I object to her dancing ;) But I won't scare you with those sorts of details. Off to the wilds of Mayo for the nieces first communion. Its a big deal apparently. Having fell out of touch with all things catholic a long time ago, its amazing how quickly you forget all the sacrements you yourself would have gone through. Although I don't remember the minimum 50 euro in the card, but perhaps times have changed slightly. The communion was Sunday morning at 10 so the family all headed out to watch the rugby. Ireland v Argentina, it was only a friendly, it might as well have been competitive the way they were talking about it. I was worried about the kid. A gig was on that night and she was supposed to be going. We had told her that the mate J was staying over just in case she had any ideas about bring boyfriend's or friends who are boys back. Thankfully, when Mammy2 finally got through she was hanging at home with the mate K and had no attention of going to the gig.

One problem resolved. I chatted to Mammy2's mammy for most of the game, she's not into sport god help her. With 4 kids, 2 mad about soccer and 2 mad about rugby, she's well used to sitting and being ignored for the game. But I wasn't that into the ruggers and I couldn't leave her by herself, so we chatted about holidays and where she'd like to go and visit. As Mammy2's dad is terrified of flying, she hasn't really seen too much of the world except when one of the kids go away with her. Its a shame really, and I suggested she drop hints about Mother's day or her birthday along the lines of a weekend in Paris. I mean, its not like they all don't have jobs. Well she thought the suggestion was hilarious so I don't see it happening any time soon I guess. Its a shame really.

There was a misunderstanding with the hotel we were supposed to be booked into and as a result, the hotel put us up in a B&B free of charge. Which was very nice of them. The B&B was grand. As a rule I'm not fond of them, nosy women asking your business. But it did for the night. Mammy2 was coming down with something and by the time we got to the church was very sick. She managed to stick it out until we got back to the house though. The poor thing.
Once we got back to Dublin, I went into Nurse Shelly mode. Hotwater bottle in the bed, extra throw on the bed. Vitamin C and throat spray to keep down the swelling on her throat. Once I was happy enough that she was taken care of , I chilled out and read the paper catching up on the current affairs and election news. As a rule, politics doesn't interest me. But I really thought that Fianna Fail wouldn't get in again. As people are saying, its was a real me fein vote. I'm happy with my lot and so lets keep things as they are. People were all talk about the health service and yet when they went to vote, it looks like they didn't really care. As it happens, Bertie is in our constituency. We voted for Tony Gregory, he's an independent in our area and has done a huge amount of work. He got in thankfully. It will be interesting to see if the indepenents go into business with Fianna Fail now.

The rest of the week looks quiet enough but with Mammy2 sick, I'd say Nurse Shelly will be kept busy. I'm going training again tonight hopefully and the mate J is joining me. If we can get into a routine of every Monday we'll be doing great. I'm hoping to get up to 2/3 classes per week like I used to do when I trained in Coolock but I suppose the difference was then I didn't have a teenager! Things are settling down a lot with her, but she's still a bit of work. This week we are hoping to get some of her birthday present sorted and get Italy booked for September. Also at some stage this week, we need to make an appointment for the clinic and I can hopefully get the fertility tests done and see what's going on with those ovaries of mine :)

DEBS

The formal ball, not the lesbian movie. Although the movie is quite good. That's the dress she's decided she's going to wear to her DEBs. Its lovely and has loads of material. Exactly 2 weeks to the day, she has her english exam. We get home yesterday and she's sleeping. The studying must be getting to her. I was supposed to be schmoozing yesterday but Mammy2 has a problem with days that begin with T. The schmoozing shall wait until tomorrow night. For those of you that need a definition, its basically where Mammy2 has to show her face and chat and laugh and I stand around and look pretty on her shoulder. Trophy wife that I am ;)

I had a mini Mod meet with 2 of the MODS who couldn't make it to Sunday's meet. I was strangely nervous
about chatting to them. Its hard to explain, but aP is like my baby and I am very protective of it. Yes I am aware its a website I am talking about but I've put a lot of work into it. More then people realise and so you can understand why I would be wary of new people joining the team. I have to be able to trust them. Trust is a big thing for me and with some of the stuff we have had to deal it, its important I feel like I know these people well enough to look after aP on my behalf. I shouldn't have worried. the 3 new MODs are excellent, they listened to what I had to say, asked the right questions and I reckon will give aP that lift that it needs when things go quiet.

I suppose with J and A leaving the team, it was the end of one era and the start of something new. I look forward
to what these youngsters bring with them to the team. Its going to be fun!

Mammy2 had a craving for an indian, of the food variety before you think I am a very understanding woman. I think
its because we've watched Nina's heavenly Delights more then once. Fab film, lovely food and even nicer women ;)
The kid had a theory, where she gets them I'll never know. Her idea was this, to move to Scotland, match make a scottish woman and an indian man, and when the child is born and is female, she is going to chronologically freeze herself for about 20 years and then she can marry this person. And to think myself and Mammy2 are pretty sure she has done no drugs. Yeah right.

The aftereffects of training is starting to kick in, I had hoped to go again this week but its unlikely as the schmoozing is tomorrow and Friday is the African Celebration Night in The Morrison Darling ;) Basically, its got a table quiz, african drummers and such like. The mate J is supposed to be joining us, if she can wangle her way out going to see Pirates of the Caribrean with the mate B. I think she's going to persaude B that the night in the Morrison would be much more informative or something. Saturday we head to the wilds of Mayo for Mammy2's niece's communion. Should be fun, their family gatherings always are.

People and their ideas on their job and their job description are funny, I think anyways. If you think you are indispensable, you are sadly mistaken. Seriously, there is no such thing as being indispenseable, despite what you think the place will continue to keep going even though you are not part of it. Another thing is if you are in a job you don't like, leave it. Oh, wait its not as easy as that. Or something. Of course its as easy as that. It makes absolutely no sense to stay in a job that makes you climb walls, feel under appreciated etc. One of the work collegues was going on a rant at lunch about his job description and how he didn't sign up for this. Well, I didn't sign up for some of the stuff I'm doing but if you are in the job, you either do the work or leave. That's just my opinion.

Tantrums are also hilarious. I mean, it works for toddlers and teenagers but grown adults. Alledged adults, its just funny. Having lived with a teenager for the last 4 years, I've learnt to adapt to her "But you don't understand!"
and I'll humour if. Off anyone else, I ignore it.

Speaking of the tantrum throwing teenagers, I wonder how the study session goes.

Busy Mondays

I'm supposed to be up to my neck in work requests, but after a mad morning of running around, waving documents
in the air and asking for clarification on various queries, I have decided to be nonchalent about the afternoon. After all
I have already complete 3 work requests and have them ready for release which is not too bad in my book. Espeically when you consider I was in late. Late for me, as in 9.15. I was shattered this morning. After a relaxing weekend which is a bit mad. The sister headed back to Cloggyland on the Saturday morning, we had sister's day hanging on Friday, it was fun. Apart from the morning time where we had to deliver the letter of rejection to the kid from Dun Laoghaire. I don't know what happened but its looking like a portfolio course. The more I think about it, the more I reckon her not allowing the art teacher to help her prepare may have shot herself in the foot. I don't know to be honest. But we had a fairly gutted teenager on our hands. She was heading to the school to pick up some books as she was finished but needed to collect them so she could throw them around the apartment and give us the impression she was studying. I like her style.

The weather was crap on Friday so that put paid to any ideas of a beach. We went for lunch, pottered and did some shopping and bonded over chats about potatoes. Notice a common theme here? We bought the kid some presents, and then I got a txt from her saying she hated the day and was close to tears. I rang her and suggested retail therapy the following day. I had gotten one of my cheques for maintenance and so thought that clothes shopping might cheer her up. She seemed to brighten up a bit. Nothing like spending other people's money to cheer a teenager up. Saturday morning I dragged myself out of the bed and we all headed shopping. However, the shops were all crap, to quote her. There was nothing she wanted. She cheered up a bit when she got to try on her DEBs dress and she showed it off for us. I was nearly getting emotional, I say nearly by the way. She looks so grown up. The dress is lovely and it suits her figure very well. Its red and made of some material. Whatever material dresses are made from. Shopping over with, we were supposed to meet up with the mate A, salsa queen who was up from Athlone for the weekend and S. The kid was still a bit out of sorts so she came along with us. She's doing a lot better in group enviroments these days and actually sits back and listens to what other people have to say. Its a sign she's maturing. I hope.

She spent the rest of the weekend tidying her room. I told Mammy2 at one stage I was convinced that she had unearthed at least 3 of her ex boyfriends from under the bed. Such was the amount of junk she had 'temporarily' moved to the living room whilst she moved her bed around. I had told her that just because she's finished school doesn't mean she can slack off. With less then 3 weeks to go, one would think she'd be stuck into the books. I think the whole rejection thing has really gotten to her and she's of the opinion of what's the point. I really think her portfolio didn't showcase her work properly and a course might do that. We can only hope. In the meantime, she's got a leaving cert to get through and an 18th bday bash to attend.

She's finished - WAHOO

As the kid was dying of period pain this morning, we left her in bed. With less then 3 weeks to go to the exams there's no point in forcing her in. I got a phone call about 5 minutes ago and between the pants and the screams and squeals of delight, she informed me that they are finished.

The sixth years are allowed finish early on account of the exams. So that's it. School over. 3 years of tears, frustration, tantrums, fights and suspensions over with, I'm sure it wasn't too easy for her either ;) But that's it?!

She's finished. I can't believe it. I think I'm in shock. No more lunches, bus fares, calling her for school, arguing about hair colour, her tie, her attitude.Arguing about repression of her rights.

Yes I am so going to miss school.

Back from the dead so to speak

The last 2 days have been absolute hell for me. Never have I felt so sick, well, in about a year or so. I usually get visited by tonsilitis once a year. Its like christmas only I'm not as happy about it. Dates back to not getting the feckers remove when I was younger. This time however, along with tonsils the size of a GAA football, I had a chest infection and a fever. Bring it on. What a week it had to pick though. I had a half day on the Tuesday thank god, got home, changed and we headed for Athlone. The kid and her mate were getting the bus down as we all wouldn't fit in the car. She had been upset at school. I know its sounds stupid but sometimes , with all that we've gone through, we
tend to forget that she lost Mam too. Not forget as such, but..I don't know how to explain it. Thankfully the mate K was coming with us and she was good support for the kid.

The B&B was absolutely gorgeous. If you are ever in Athlone, I would recommend it. http://www.thebastion.net/ Its such a hippyish place. Everything organic and fair trade. The lampshades were made from recycled paper! I was well impressed. I went to bed when we got down and only got up before the Mass. I wasn't sure I was going to last the night but as it was not only Mam's anniversary but the brother's bday I had to make the effort. I know, nail me to a cross. Out to the church, chit chat with the relatives. Snippets of the conversation:
"God, is she 18 already? Doesn't time fly."
"She'll be doing the Leaving next..
"And what does she want to do afterwards"
"Don't mention the match, it was tragic.."
"
Because the friend and the kid look so alike, there were a few comments about the red hair and the black ensemble. Nothing major. The minute mass was over the kid headed to the grave and left us to chat to the relatives. It wasn't too bad, one of the aunties couldn't make it and sure enough, the other two immediately started bitching. The nice uncle from 'the other side of the family' showed up. He's lovely. He's such a dad. I think himself and the aunty are
going to come to the kid's 18th. She'll be delighted. Into town for the bday dinner, drop the cake into the restaurent, explain what we want done. Food, banter, talk of meerkats , tractors and the ploughing championships. As it turns out, I finally have someone to accompany me! 7 years of waiting :) The brother is big into so we're going to head for one of the days. The look of relief on Mammy2's face was classic. The cake was brought out, Happy birthday was sung and the brother was suitably embaressed. Onto the local bar for a few rounds.

Once we were back in Dublin yesterday, it was straight to bed for myself and Mammy2. The kid was dying the mates hair pink and blue. Don't ask. I'm beginnging to think the kid runs a hair saloon from our bathroom. Which by the way is starting to look like some sort of fresco painting, the amount of colours floating around it. The kid worried me yesterday by showing un-prompted concern for me. Usually when she's sick, and that's quite often, its all about her. Well she is a teenager does need mammying. But yesterday she was offering me tea and ran me a bath. I was sure I was on the way out. Mammy2 was shattered and headed straight to bed when she got home. I had some work to do so I sat up whilst the kid entertained me with stories of school and her mates. She's still horrifed that Mammy2 has a bebo account. The look on her face was classic when Mammy2 mentioned it. I think she thinks we might be spying on. To be quite honest, I wouldn't look up her profile at all. The mate S looked up her nieces profile and was a tad shocked at some of the pictures. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Good news! Our GP came back and found a clinic that will do the tests we need regarding fertility. Its in Kilkenny so we're hopefully going to make an appointment in the next few weeks. At least this will tell us one way or the other what the next steps are.

Cogito ergo sum

Today is going to be one of 'those' days I can feel it. Why on earth do I leave everything until the last minute. In no particular order, we have to get the mirror fixed on the car, pick up dry cleaning, get a birthday present for the brother, leave in pics to be developed, get flowers. get a birthday cake and get to Athlone on time for Mam's mass. Can it be done?! Of course it can. The kid is in a strange mood, with the day that's in it I suppose its to be expected. Herself and the mate K are travelling down by bus and the brother's gf is picking them up and dropping them to the B&B. Its cause the sister and her boyf will be travelling down with us. Road trip :)

There was a letter for the kid from Griffith College yesterday and we were mad to open it but held off. It's a letter asking her to submit her portfolio to them before the 30th. She applied there for fashion design. I had forgotten all about it. So I think she's going to throw something together. She has enough time anyways and she should keep all her options open. I shouldn't even be in work, I'm really sick but sure I'm such a martyr. The damn chest infection has gotten worse, probably not helped by me not staying in bed last night and instead heading out with the sister. It was a good night though, we ranted about this and that. The mate A dropped in for a while but couldn't keep up. I think the talk of meerkats scared her. Mammy2 and the boyf just sit back and leave us to it. The kid dropped in for a while and demanded feeding. You'd swear there was no food at home in the house. She had been hanging with the new love interest although she pretends she's not into him. I think I need a holiday.

Ireland - 5 points

Today the sister from Holland is home. And we are into the final week of secondary school. I'm not sure how I feel. Well, at the moment, I feel like shit. It appears I have picked up a cold. In May, when the temperature is hitting the 20s. Only in Ireland. I've gotten some lemsip and am beating it into me. For all the good its doing, I hate that crap. Weekend was great fun if a tad hectic. Friday night was rugby and celebrations. The kid had her final art pratical. She reckons she did okay. As a result of it being her final art exam we had to buy champagne. Yes, this teenager has high standards. Mammy2 wanted to watch the rugby, so she dropped home food to the starving teenagers. and we caught the rugby. For all the good it did us, Leinster were tragic. On the plus side, I have a new shiny white gold wedding ring :) Mammy2 picked it up on Friday.I feel slightly less naked now. The 'shackle' as she affectionately refers to it is back in place.

The kid and the best mate K were having a kip after a stressful day of art. Apparently, the previous day had been shit because the class photo was being taken and the kid didn't want to get it for it. I can't wait to see the picture if she has her trade-mark pout on her. Fun. I think I am responsible for getting most of my work mates into the eurovision. Like last year, I thought it would be a laugh to organise a eurovision pool 2 countries for a fiver. Sure, tis a bargin. I had printed off the list from the eurovision site and then I lost Bosnia. How you can misplace a whole country I do not know. We had the draw, there was lots of talk about the different participants. People went from asking when it was on, to chatting about the different countries and who they reckon would win. I did feel bad though because there was more then 12 people in the team but less then 24 so I couldn't do a per country per person. I just did first come first served. If you gave me a fiver , you were in the draw. I think a few of the others were a bit put out by it. Next year I might need to come up with something different.

Saturday night was a website meet. We headed to the Front Lounge for a eurovision party. A decent enough turnout and the atmosphere was great. I think our table drew more then a few glances, especially when Russia came on. Every hair swing, every leg wobble got cat calls from the crowd.If you don't know why, watch this. PS, this will only make sense if you are one of 2 things. Lesbian or a straight man.



Ireland were shocking. That's all I have to say on the matter. Today is going to be a busy day. I have my day job, bugs to fix on one of my websites and the sister flies in tonight! Yay! Tomorrow we're off down to the wilds of Athlone for Mam's mass. Can't wait to see the family. The aunts are okay, their heart is in the right place, shame about their mouths. Sometimes they should just stop talking. I'm in nogoing negocations with the kid about what she's wearing to the Mass. I would like to think she has gone past the I'm wearing this to shock factor. Then again you never know.

Yesterday was supposed to be a road trip to Longford for the Westmeath v Longford game. Unfortunately, we left it too late to get tickets and they sold out. Thankfully, because the match was dismal. Like I said to one of the workmates today, a good weekend for music , a bad weekend for sport. One of the mates B hadn't got our txt
and arrived at 10.30 all set for the road trip. The mate J dropped around and we all shouted at the telly for the rest of the game. The consolation was a roast dinner. Not much of a consolation. We gave up on sport and moved onto the L word. Much more fun! The mates headed off early enough and Mammy2 had headed to bed. I was wrecked but going to bed at 8 of a Sunday was wrong, no matter who wrecked I was. Toyed with the idea of doing some work, but decided not to and instead caught up on all the current affairs of the week by reading the Times from Saturday and the Weekender. How boring and domesticated :)

Mircosoft are a pain in the proverbial.

I hate microsoft. I don't usually go on a rant about the software giants, but today they're pissing me off. I got an email from Operations to say that my mailbox was taking up too much space on the server. Fair enough. I find out that I can store all my backed up emails relating to work locally. I create the new folders and silly me thought I can just drag and drop the emails from my folder on the server to the one I just created. But no. Stupid flipping outlook won't move any emails with attachments except by themselves. By themselves??! Like what the feck? Seriously, what is so wrong with dragging and dropping say 10 of them? Would the poor application have a heart attack? And people wonder why I wax poetic about Gmail. At least it lets you do things without a cryptic can't move files. No reason, just can't move them. How about won't?! Fecking microsoft and fecking outlook.

In other news, the art practical was a disaster for the kid. Her words not mine. Apparently, and this part I am still
reeling at, the art teacher was pottering around during the exam. Correct me if I'm wrong, but in an offical examination such as the Leaving Certificate is, no teachers are allowed within a 10 yard radius of the room? At least
when I did it that was the case. However, she was in the room and told the kid her lettering was wrong and so the kid
started to change it and then ran out of time. I think personally she should have kept her mouth shut. However I am
unware of what the procedure is with regards teachers being allowed into exam halls. Perhaps things have changed since I was a student. I aim to find out. However, if it is the case that teacher shouldn't have been there, we can't complain as this would not just affect the kid but also the other students and there might be a chance the paper be declared void. I have no idea how these things work but I aim to find out.

I got home to an empty apartment yesterday, Mammy2 in one bedroom and the kid in the other. I was thinking about doing some work but then opted out of it. My shoulder was still sore from the wee bit of work I did at the weekend. I popped on some of my tragic country that usually gets slated and chilled out on the couch. The sleeping beauties all arose about 45 minutes later. The kid was still a tad angry about her art but not as worked up as I thought she would be. When it comes to art, she can lose the head. Fire and brimstone as the sister says.

Dear Mam,

Its been a while since I've chatted to, a few years actually. I always feel like a knob when I sit in the church talking to what looks like myself. I mean how are people to know you're there when there's not a sign of you. Talking to your gravestone is no barrel of laughs either as I know you're not there. To sound corny, I can feel you around more in gardens and nature then I do at your grave. Possibly because you were always nattering on about plants and gardens and your beloved lawns. God, the amount of times you were out mowing them. I guess I really want to talk to you now because I'm starting to feel a tad lost. I'm starting to feel that you're not around. Before I could pretend. If I didn't go to the house, then chances are you were still there. Giving out about Puddles, giving out about the weather, about everything really. Threatening to wallop me even though your hands were sore with the arthritis. You always played that card. I miss you a lot. Its hard to put words on it. I've gotten the numbers for some counsellers but I don't want to go. To do so will only hammer home a point I don't want to accept.

So, lets do a titch on it and avoid the issue. How's things working out for you? Are the lawns nicer then here? Do you have to mow them as much? What do you reckon on the kid? 18 next month, I really really wish you were here for it. Its going to be so hard without you. Much like a lot of things. But I won't go on because then you'll have guilt. Typical Mam, guilt about something you can't control. I wonder though, you obviously heard about Mammy2's dad and how he went through a similar thing and he's sitting at home now healthy and all. With him it was cancer. With you it wasn't and yet...I get so frustrated. Could we have done something differently? There's no point I guess but its a fun way to pass the time. If you have that dark sense of humour like we do. I even miss the hospital smell that we associated with you when we visited. I tried to visit Mammy2's dad when he was in but it was too soon. I wonder will it always be too soon?

I have given up on following women who wear Tweed home. It was getting scary for them and the thought of a restraining order set me back a bit. I can stand for ages though beside a cut lawn, checking the sides to make sure its done properly. I remember days when you would sit with a scissors and spend over an hour cutting all around the edges so that the lawn would be just perfect. Granted, most people who passed by on the road looked on as if you were a nutter. You just brandished the scissors at them and they kept going. I wonder what you'd make of the kid now? How far she's come? She often asks do we think you'd be proud of her. I think so. She's very strong, like you were. She's had to deal with so much. I know I give out about her and all that, but you know she'll always be taken care of. Even when she's in her 40s and I have to use a zimmer frame to catch up with her :)

love,
Shelly

Highs and Lows of a bank holiday weekend

Friday turned out to be a pants day. I was out of sorts for various reasons, and by the time Mammy2 met me, there was steam coming out of my ears. I had decided I was going to take a walk on the seafront, not ala Glen Medeiros fashion, more like a growl at the sea. Of course, the wind turned out to be colder then I anticpated and I was freezing and scaring small children away by the time Mammy2 met me. She had been out at her parents helping out with the kids. She has an amazing ability to turn get rid of any of my moods. As you know, us Leo's hate being in a mood, its valuable time we waste when we want people to be worshipping us :) She doesn't force the issue, she just chats about her day.

We headed home, got takeout and had snuggles on the couch. Watched some of the latest lesian flicks I backed up. Nina's Heavenly Delights is just a lovely film. A happy lesbian film. Who knew? The lesbians were niether serial killers, poetry writers or dying of a broken heart. The rest of the weekend can be summed up with the following key words. Rugby, lack of vegetarian food, a new wedding ring and the kid's complicated love life She's in love with the best mate K, and the feeling is mutal. Only catch is the mate K has a boyfriend who she also loves. Thank god I'm not a teenager again. Chatting to Mammy2 about it, our lives as teenagers look postively dull next to the kids. She spent some of the weekend panicking about her art. I'd say about 15 minutes on the Saturday whilst blow drying her hair. There's another new man on the scene, he sounds like a nice guy. Except he's the mate K's ex. Cue more drama. She never needs to watch telly.

A trip to the jewellwers for a new ring on Saturday was successfuly. A new white gold wedding band is being picked up on Friday. I'm glad I'm getting a new one, I feel naked without it. Its the only item of jewellery I wear. Mammy2 lovingly refers to it as my shackle ;) It cheered me up as I had another one of my moods. I think its the EMO in me just dying to get out ;) The feeling of hurting the people you love, the feeling of letting people down is the worst in the world. Titch guilt is famed the world over. Almost as much as titch revenge if not more so. There's no need to beat us up over anything, we do just fine my ourselves.

Yesterday, the kid went to hang with the new man , even though she claims he's not the new man. I had a bit of work to do, surprise surprise. I got most of it done and its ready for testing now. Thank god. Chilled out for the evening with Mammy2. The plans for the kids bday bash are underway, I think I am more worried about it then she is. Which is only fair I suppose. Its the parents job to organise it and her job to show up and look fabulous. The 'lovely man' S is trying to get back into her pants. He can try, I think she's seen through him. God help her though, the ex M, who I a convinced is a woman is txting her all the time. I've never seen a bloke so in touch with his feminine side or so clingy in my life. She was supposed to go up to Cavan to spend some time with him but was stressed about her exam. Sorry, that should have read was stressed about her love life and put up the front of being stressed about her exams. She could get an oscar for some of her performances.

This morning was the trip to the doctor. The chest pains are as a result of a viral infection. Good news. Regarding the lack of me having a bump, she wants to send me for tests. Not so good news. The fertility clinics in Ireland want no part of the word same sex. We have letters from the various clinics when we started down this route a few years ago. I suppose there's no harm in trying again. The doctor has said she will also talk to a friend of her's who works at the Rotunda and hopefully we can get something. All we need is the damn tests, how can they be so stupid and archaic with their laws?! Its incredibly frustrating and dis-heartening. Let the games commence, I'm going to get the email addresses of the various clinics and email them off. I just want to know if my body is capable of conceiving or not so we can give up on that hope. Perhaps the world isn't ready for 2 Shelly's.

There's a first time for everything..

I tackled a hairdryer this morning. I think it won. Bear with me whilst I explain the situation. Hair is growing longer, hence the less then complimentary statements from some areas , * throws a glare R's way *. Well, as a result, if I shower in the morning, and lets face its an necessity, then I am in the perplexing sitiuation. If I don't dry my hair I am at the mercy of Mother Nature who I am convinced is a lesbian. There's no other reason for the head on me arriving into work, with hair au natural. I have to then proceed to try and do something with it to make it look less like somewhere the crows need to nest. The hair dryer was suggested. I have used a hairdryer once before, the breakup was rough. No talking on either side for a long time. The kid threw out hers without a manual I might add. I switched it on and nearly blew the nose off my face. I had no idea how to control it or do anything with it. The kid shouldn't just expect me to pick up how to work it?! I could kill myself or the fish if left alone. She rolled her eyes, said "Do this, then this and then this.." Sure enough, apart from one annoying part, it worked?! She suggested hair moose. I looked at her. Baby steps I explained, baby steps.

She got up herself this morning. Not alone that, but she was in a good mood. Might have something to do with the art preparation she has all day. Her poster exam is on Tuesday, and there was a panicked sitation in relation to her themes. Which in fairness to her were pretty shit.
Holiday destination: space
Positive ageing week 2007
Ballinasloe horse fair

She chose the space one and has some good ideas for her so she's slightly less panicked about it. Her drawing exam is on the Friday and then that's all her art praticals done. I know she can do it, its just a case of time being against it. She spends so much time working on detail that she might run out of time. Fingers crossed it goes okay. The love interest S, the cad is gone we think. After he stood her up last week, he's made a few stupid comments and she's unimpressed with him so she reefed him out of it. I tried to refrain from opening a bottle of champagne and throwing a party. Hopefully he'll stay in the bad books.

I'm still trying to get her to give me the list of who she wants at the bday bash. She changes her mind so often. She gets on well with most of our mates, some of them are like family for us titches. However, the mate C has fallen off the list. In her defence, she has invited him the last 2 years and he hasn't bothered making an effort. Too hungover or he's forgotten. Also, she's unimpressed with his relationship with me. Its hard with her, because she's so protective and has't got the maturity yet to release that just because someone pisses me off or upsets me doesn't mean she needs to hate them. She's doing better, but its in all of us. It was one of Mam's traits. Do to one of us and you do to all of us. I need to get organising the party though and she's been so blasie about the whole thing?!

She's heading to Cavan to see her lesbian male friend M. She's so funny when she's talking about him, apparently he's worse then a woman. I'm not sure what that says about her opinion of women in general. But she's gone from Saturday until Sunday night so wahay! Empty apartment, we'll obviously spend all the time cleaning and doing house work ;)Thank god its Friday, this week has been so long, I've had a load of work on and extra work as well.
Normally I don't work evenings but as one of my sites is supposedly going live next week, I have a lot of updates to do to get it ready for testing.

A friend recently commented on situation that she said she couldn't talk to me about because I don't deal with it rationally. I found the comment strange I guess, because I see myself as a rational and fairly calm person. I guess you can come across differently to people. I always would like to think that if I am mates, espeically good mates with someone that the person can come to me and talk to me about stuff and vice versa. Friendship is a constantly growing and evolving state. Look at me , with my hallmark phrases :)

A weekend of lunch with the mates and rugby and 'laundry' ahead, I'm really looking forward to it. The sister is home monday week! I can't wait to see her. I had bit of a weird moment on Wedensday night. We were hanging with the kid, when I say hanging, read she was online on Bebo or Fleebo or whatever other social networking site she's a member of and we were sitting on the couch chatting. The brother had txted me asking for a picture of Mam as he wants to put the picture in the paper for her anniversary. Its a country thing I reckon. I asked the kid to email a pic from the folder of pics of Mam. She didn't know we had any pics on the computer so she had a look through them and uploaded some of them to her Fleabo space. At one stage, she was yapping about something to do with Mam and slagging saying "Yeah, well only for Mam's dead.." It was a real shock to hear the word. I guess, because I never use it and as a result other people don't use it around me. I was thrown for a bit. But then we went back to taking the piss out of everything. Its what we do best :)

The eurovision and drunken debauchery

The drunken debauchery refers to the kid and not ourselves, before you jump to any conclusions. We were at a eurovision pre-bash party, don't ask and don't roll your eyes, and arrived in to find the kid puking in the toilet. She had gotten sick in her room and didn't make it to the bathroom on time. The lovely man, S had stood her up. Have I mentioned he's a prick? Perhaps once or twice, well, its no harm mentioning it again. The eurovision party was fun, even with the fanatic who joined us. I mean, I would consider myself a fan but next to him I appear like I have a casual interest. We are talking past winners, past contestants. Chatting to one of them on MSN. Serious stuff.

The kid was supposed to be hanging on the Saturday, and lo and behold, out for dinner with the mates on Saturday evening and who strolls past the window sipping from a can of Heineken only the kid and her mate K. Considering she had arrived into the bedroom that morning suitably contrite and apologising for the state of her on the previous night, I was gobsmacked. Nearly killing the other diners in my haste to get out of the restaurent and confront her, she had the nerve to deny all knowledge of the can she was hiding her bag. Sorry minding for her friend. She had a funny way of minding it. We are yet to have a conversation about it. On one hand, I'm leaving her to stew and on the other I'm not sure what I am going to say to her.

Up to my neck in PC fixing for most of Sunday. The sister in law's PC was very ill so I had to install some spyware removal tools. It had trojans and more adware then you can shake a stick at. If you were that way inclined. After 4 hours of trying to run the anti-virus software whilst it wanted to take a physical dump to memory or as we love to call it the blue screen of death, I was convinced I had cleaned it. It was booting up okay, no more dubious popups and any checks for adware or spyware came back with nothing found. I was well impressed with myself and found some interesting ulitities for use with your PC.

Worked for the rest of Sunday, after cooking dinner for the 2 teenagers. They were going to a wrestling and so I felt a roast dinner was in order. Mammy2 headed out to visit her dad and then rang to say she was getting something to eat with the family. I turned into that disgruntled wife sitting at home with her dinner in the microwave. I blame PMT. And the fact that I had burned my hand cooking a din ner that no-one reallywanted. I was well peeved. She had the dinner yesterday and said it was lovely. I suppose that makes me feel slightly better :)

Caught up with the mate R yesterday, I was supposed to go training but she twisted my rubber arm. Fun night, we hadn't seen each other in a while. Apart from her slagging my haircut, it was a fun night. Apparently I look like a lesbian. I'm pretty sure in her delivery it was meant as an insult. Again though I blame PMT. That coupled with the fact that I am a Leo and if there's one thing we are sensitive about is our mane. I've a good mind to get rid of it altogether. Although that would probably have people commenting on the shape of my head then. I have a feeling its shaped like a hexagon so perhaps I'll stay with the 'lesbian do'.

The sister is home in less then 2 weeks. I can't wait. I've booked time off for Mam's mass and time off to spend with the sister on the Friday. We still haven't booked any summer holidays, at this rate it will be Bettystown instead of Rome if we don't get our asses in gear.